This morning, I had a typical Helen moment.
While driving to work, I got mired in traffic. Now, I am an impatient little chick. I do not like things to be delayed, postponed, or (to be honest) have them not go my way. So when I came to realize that people in front of me were mucking up traffic because they wanted to review the scavenged remnants of a nearby traffic accident like cartoon vultures, I lost my temper.
I think it's vulgar to rubber-neck. Yes, someone had an accident. What are you going to do, slow down, assess it? Hmm...Yup. That was a bad one. Damage here. That car is totaled. What, are we car insurance assessors now?
So when the fucking donk in front of me decided to slow down, I watched him. I knew it was coming. And sure enough, it did.
He slowed down, braked, his head swiveled to the right and he gawked.
It was then I got really pissed off. I honked my horn at him (hey-that's my privilege! That's what the damn thing is there for!). He looked up and saw me in the mirror, but I had not yet drawn out my firearms, so he was not too scared. (OK, screw it, let's be honest. I am a little white chick in a yellow VW Beetle. I do not exactly instill fear in the masses).
I realized I was angry because he had the gall to look sideways.
That, of course, got me thinking. Do we punish people for looking sideways in other cases, too? Are we destined to always have eyes forward, two feet on the floor, or is some swivelage ok?
For instance-it never fails that when the average couple go shopping, the husband gets in trouble at some point. That's right, guys. You recognize what I am talking about.
Typical dialog at a mall/restaurant/airport, you name it:
Her: I saw what you were doing there.
Him: What? What are you talking about?
Her: You were checking that girl out. I saw you.
Him: What? What girl? I didn't notice any girl.
Her: Like hell you didn't! The one wearing short shorts and the T-shirt that says "Lesbians suck dick, too".
Him: Oh her. I barely saw her.
Her: You were staring RIGHT AT her. I saw that! I think it's thoroughly disrespectful. It makes me feel so second-rate.
Him: I swear, I only saw her since she looks like your cousin. That's all.
Her: Do you find her attractive?
Him: Not really, no.
Her: So not more attractive than me?
Him: No, honey, of course not.
Her: She was thinner than I am.
Him: Was she, honey? I didn't notice.
Still a bit miffed but cooled down, they walk on.
Now, let's pretend this is no longer Reality, but actually Land Where We Tell The Truth.
Her: I saw what you were doing there.
Him: What? What are you talking about?
Her: You were checking that girl out. I saw you.
Him: Oh yeah. I totally was.
Her: So you did see that girl wearing short shorts and the T-shirt that says "Lesbians suck dick, too".
Him: Saw her? Honey, in my mind I had her undressed and bent over a park bench and rode her like Trigger! You betcha' I saw her!
Her: How could you stare at her like that?
Him: Honey, do you have eyes? Cause if so, use them. That chick was fucking HOT!
Her: So she is more attractive than me?
Him: In a word: yes.
Her: Do you want to have sex with her?
Him: Absolutely! Are you offering?
Her: No I am not! You want to have sex with her, don't you?
Him: I wouldn't mind sticking it in her, no. What part of the bending her over the park bench did you not understand?
Her: She has a better stomach than I do.
Him: Yes. Yes, she does. That's for damn sure, sweetheart.
Now, my Partner Unit gets really riled when he thinks I am checking out other guys. And the truth is: I am. I check out women, too. But unlike some guys, I can't really look at people and say: Yup. I want to go to bed with them. The way they wear their Levis is proof that they do the Muff Dive, and they do it well. I just look at people and say: Yup. They're attractive. I bet they get lots of compliments.
Just because we women turn our heads sideways and take an interest in what's around us, it doesn't mean that we want to drop our panties and let them have their wicked way with us. We are just looking.
Perhaps, though, it is different with men. Based on comments from my Dear Mate and Best Friend when we have been out, they can (and do) indicate when a bit of fluff walks by that they will want to slip into. So, when they have the freedom to look around without getting the bitch-slap from their wives, they do. I personally don't care if Partner Unit looks at the chicks-in fact, I help point them out (especially if they are playing the Thong Game. Or running and wearing not enough support. He loves those moments).
But that doesn't mean that they are going to follow through with it. Actually, it really means the men are just as likely to go home and try it on. And maybe they think about that women they saw in the store, but Ladies-can we all really say we think about our partners every time we have sex (cause if so, Colin Firth is going to get me in trouble)?
-H.
PS-let me know if you like this pic at the top right of my screen, or my former one. Both were taken in the Seychelles.
Posted by Everydaystranger at October 3, 2003 01:28 PM | TrackBack