A short update from me: I am in Winchester (which made me giggle. I asked: Is this the place where the rifles came from? and got an: Right. Can tell where you come from). The weather here is cold and rainy, but I am just so happy to be here in England that I could care less if the rain is just throwing it down.
Wish I could do something about this hangover, though...
This year is the first year, in 29 years, that I will not be celebrating Thanksgiving.
Ironic, since Thanksgiving day is also my 4-year anniversary of the day I moved to Sweden.
No cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes. No turkey (especially not singe I am a vegetarian), no dressing, no oozy, lovely rolls. My house will not smell like the earnest and perpetual scent of pumpkin pie. I will not go, around midnight, back to the fridge and pick at the leftovers. I will not bask in the amber glow of football on the tv.
There is no Thanksgiving this year, and actually I am ok with that. I'm just not up to it. I hope to spend a quiet evening with someone very dear to me, and relax, drink wine, and talk.
I have held massive Thanksgiving dinners every year here in Stockholm since I moved. I have had many people over for entirely too much food and drink, and have outdone myself every year. For me, Thanksgiving is about sharing my culture and my home with others, and I have always enjoyed doing so.
Two years ago I had a colleague over as well, a sweet-faced American girl from San Diego that wore her innocence on her sleeve, and was constantly being shocked by the "European behaviour". Even though we were close to the same age, she was like my little sister to me. And she introduced something to my Thanksgiving table that I will carry forward every year from here on.
Basically, what she said was that she wanted us to give thanks for something. We could recite all the bad things that happened, that was ok, but we had to find something to give thanks for.
At the time, it struck me as corny. But we all went around the table, said something that we were grateful for. So for me, this year, here is my list:
First, a summary of my year:
- I lost my job.
- My relationship at home is sliding down a slippery slope.
- I endangered my relationship with Dear Mate for no quality purpose.
- I tried to kill myself.
- I was signed off of work sick for three months.
But what I am thankful for:
- I learned that Company X is not who I am. I am me. Not my job.
- I have learned the creatures that are my friends, versus those that aren't.
- I learned that I have a voice inside of me that wants to be let out.
- I learned how to blog. And have met so many wonderful people along the way.
- I survived trying to kill myself and learnt that my life is not mine to take. And that my issues need fixing.
- I started to believe in myself. For the first time ever.
And you know what? That list is enough for me. That's a hell of a list, in fact. What are you thankful for?
-H.
PS-bit of an update- I have two more things to add to my list:
- I have a bite for a GREAT JOB-keep your fingeres crossed!
- I am having dinner with Mr. Y on Thanksgiving. I know lots of people disapprove, but what do I have to lose, really?
Morality by consensus is frequently morality by convenience.
Posted by: Gartner Elana at January 25, 2004 08:32 PMHappy Thanksgiving Helen. I send you my best wishes as always. And I am really hoping the best for you with the interview. I'm so excited for you!
And about the Mr. Y dealio. Whether or not any of us approve or disapprove of the situation, this is of no consequence. We all care for you and whatever makes you happy is what you should do. For any of us to say otherwise is nothing but foolishness. I'm married, and I am not looking for anything more but I have always said that I would be open to the possibilities if my happiness was ever in question. And I hope for you only the best possibilities...
Posted by: Rob at November 27, 2003 08:19 PMHappy Thanksgiving everyone. Be thankful, be humble, and help someone out in need.
Posted by: pylorns at November 27, 2003 04:39 PMHappy thanksgiving H, even if you're not celebrating it this year.
Posted by: Gareth at November 27, 2003 10:50 AMYou do have a lot to be thankful for, Helen. I think you've learned a lot about yourself this year and it shows.
Have a great holiday -- I hope that it's all that you want it to be. I look forward to hearing about it soon.
Fingers and toes are crossed on the job front!
Posted by: Natalie at November 27, 2003 08:22 AMWell LeeAnn, you'll have to dump shame on me. (But then I can't comprehend the being of a woman:-) I can only tell a story because to say what I think directly would sound vulgar or Christian.
My wallet, as often is for guys, is beat to hell and smells like dead leather. But I vividly remember the day I bought it 18 years ago to replace it's decrepit predecessor. On that day a buddy from work called and asked to take one of my home made canoes out on a reservoir lake with me and his girlfriend. He is one of these individuals that will always think it's funny to suddenly rock the canoe dangerously close to flipping. He did it to hear her fuss but he didn't understand how much countering I was doing to keep the canoe upright. Finally he seemed to tire of it and I became absorbed in my own thoughts while enjoying the beautiful fall sunset where the turned leaves along the still-lit mountain matched the western sky's palette of colors.
The next thing I knew it was murky dark and I was sucking cold goose shit water into my lungs. Came to the surface to see him but his girlfriend was several feet below struggling. We dove and pulled her to the surface only to hear her screaming that she can't swim. My assumption that we are all swimmers I never made again. I got the overturned canoe riding on some air and we pushed her onto the hull and started the long silent tow to shore in jeans. She and I stood on the bank in shivering silence while he used an old board as a paddle to take the canoe back out to collect our still floating belongings and paddles.
She was mad but then said defensively as if I had said something out loud derogatory about her man, “But I love him”. I'm sure they had a wonderful “romantic” evening after we parted ways but my poor soaked and dried wallet reminds me that I can never understand why so many women go with stupid, self-centered bastards. Must be the sex because the world never seems short on 'em.
Oh what do I know? Have a good Thanksgiving, Helen, as you see fit.
I will be having a west coast Thanksgiving this year and I know it won't be the same. I'm bummed about it but not much can be done right now.
And I love the idea of making a list of things to be thankful for. I will definitely emulate it.
Posted by: Johnny Huh? at November 26, 2003 11:21 PMLovely list of things to be thankful for! And I think you can be thankful for the opportunity to see Mr. Y again and see what happens. (Here's hoping he's not the "turkey" - y'know what I mean!)
Sweetheart, I truly hope that it all goes wonderfully!
Posted by: jean at November 26, 2003 11:07 PMH-
Great list. Best of luck with the job, and have a nice time with Mr. Y.
Thank you for sharing your holiday spirit! What a wonderful idea.
And pfft! to those who don't understand taking a chance on soul-love.
Have a good time, dear.
Posted by: Courtney at November 26, 2003 06:07 PMThere's always something to be thankful for. And your list by far is encouraging to me. So thank you!
Have a great time with Mr. Y!
gratitude is so important. i write a list every day in my paper journal...a good reminder of the all the wonderful things.
and...Woot! A job lead! I'll keep my fingers crossed! And my toes!
Posted by: kat at November 26, 2003 03:31 PMHow can anyone disapprove of something that makes you happy? For shame on them.
Posted by: LeeAnn at November 26, 2003 03:27 PMwell i know what I would do, never miss a dinner :)...but then my soul is bruised from all the "never missing" that i do...
great list girl...and my fingers are crossed
You know, if you had been in Plymouth, you could have celebrated Thanksgiving with the whole city. It's the one place outside of the US that celebrates that holiday on that day...turkey, dressing and all.
But no football...American, that is.
Posted by: Rob at November 26, 2003 01:12 PMGreat list, H. The second one, that is. The first one is an important list but it's nowhere near great.
Doesn't it figure...you're in England and poor Luuk is stuck in Virginia getting sodomized by Don. Poor little bear.
Have a great time and hit a pub for me.
Posted by: Jim at November 26, 2003 10:53 AMFirst of all, that is one hell of a list. Congratulations.
Secondly, woo, dinner with Mr Y.
And finally, what is official status with Partner Unit?
Posted by: Jamie at November 26, 2003 08:56 AM