Everyday Stranger

Helen - I've been through the whole visa process - in reverse, being a UK citizen trying to work in the US.

It's a minefield...and I understand the whole 'company sponsroship' - I tried, and failed, even with a company that was willing to 'appear' to be following the rules, after advertising the position state-wide Human Resources found a reason to dismiss every applicant for my job for one reason or another, leaving me in the frame. Basically though I failed cos the company ended up in administration before the whole process was completed!

Hope you have better luck!

Girl, going through big changes is scary. I just went through a huge one...course, I didn't lose a person in the process but I do understand at least a little.

In fact, it's still hard these 4 1/2 months later. Somedays I still question if I made the right move. Did I do the right thing? Time will tell. I really hope I did but sometimes you have to take that leap of faith, take that chance, squeeze your eyes shut, go for it and hope beyond all hope you didn't just screw everything up.

Maybe you don't have these particular feelings; it's just my way of saying I am empathetic to your current situation.

You can't be "up" all the time, Helen. Don't worry about what we might think if your posts are "down". It's all part of life and we lurves ya during good and bad times.

You better know that you will always have us around to listen. That's all we can do right now...and I hope it's enough.

You are supported, you are loved and you will be alright.

No, you're not the worst person in the world; you're human. It takes guts to know when it's time to move on and do it. You do PU the favor of allowing him to get on with his life, and hopefully you will soon be happy with your situation. All my best wishes in this hellish transition period.

Sounds like a rough time, H. Hang in there and best of luck with the visa.

I tried to hug him last night, to seek comfort in him and with him, but he doesn't want me near.

You know I don't exactly like to take up for the Partner Unit, but I can relate to this bit. If you're trying to "get over" someone, about the last thing you need is that person trying to reach out to you. You know that it isn't meant as a tease, yet it feels like a tease.

As for Sweden giving you the "you're not good enough" message . . . honey, they're Swedes. That's a compliment.

i think everything happens for a reason. and as much as this break-up is killing you right now, it will get better.

i'm crossing all my fingers and toes in regards to your visa. and i'm sending as much love and positive energy as i can muster your way. *smooch*

This may not work for you but I looked at my divorce like the loss of my mother. Something I cherished was suddenly gone and there was nothing I could do to change that. I spent some time grieving for what was lost. I realized there were plenty of good memories and important things learned that I would always keep in my heart. And then I moved on.

Instead of focusing on the five years behind you look ahead to 55+ years of potential your life holds in front of you. You're young, you're beautiful (I mean the inner kind, well the other kind too!), and you've got so much more potential than you give yourself credit for.

Your job/location don't make you who you are. You will always be the Helen we all know and adore even if you were a bag lady in [insert dreadful place here]. You'd still blog though, right?

I hope you're feeling better soon. In every way possible, little flame.

(let's see if I don't suck today. *hits enter key*)

I really doubt that your Sweedish citizenship issues have anything to do with the country not liking you. Bureaucrats everywhere don't give a shit about anyone.

I doubt PU feels his time was wasted. I was married once, for 5 years, and it was very rocky - I've blocked out most of the details. But it wasn't completely wasted: it taught me a lesson. And I left that marriage (with kids) with nothing but some psychic scars and what I could fit in the trunk of my car.

It was a devistating time for me, and I was broken and terrified... but it ended up opening doors for me that I never dreamed were possible.

There's always more doors, Helen... there's always more doors.

You didn't waste 5 years of anyone's life... I'm a true believer in the concept that everything is a learning experience, and I think both you and PU needed one another in that point in your life. And now, it's time to move on.
I'm here for you if you need anything.

msd, I *love* that song, especially as sung by Anne Sofie von Otter.

And you're right, it is so very appropriate to the here and now!

"It´s not healthy, the blame game.", that was the part to remember Helen. Miguel.
p. s. - well you got me thinking Helen, dangerous think. I´ve had a song in my mind for quite some time, and today driving to work realized why. Rickie Lee Jones does a Beatles cover, and part of the lyrics go something like:
"And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years!"

I have to take exception with something, Helen. He did not waste five years of his life with you. Right now it's difficult - all you can see is right now and right now sucks in a major way. But right now is not the past five years. The two of you have had wonderful times, challenging times, beautiful times, ugly times, tender times...well, you get what I'm saying. That five years meant something, it wasn't wasted for either of you.

Miguel dearie-I'm not doing the blame game against him-I blame myself.

melanie, helen, from my experience it takes two to end a relationship. It´s not healthy, the blame game. Well just my opinion... sometimes things aren´t just suposed to happen, and love just isn´t enough. But I´m throwing some at you. Miguel.

I've been where you're at. I've also been where 'Partner Unit' is at. I know it sucks ass now, but you've overcome so much in your life already that I have no doubt you'll land squarely on your feet when the smoke clears and the dust settles. Best of luck with the move and just remember, you're not alone.

Yup Melanie-that's one of his anger examples. And that was a tame one.

Thanks for the cheering up-ness, guys. I think I just seem to have SO MUCH happening right now, a few things great but much of it bad.

Going back to bed with the flu now-but not the bird flu, it's yet another reason why I am glad to be a veggie :)

This is not an exchange between a woman and her great partner.
"He shows up within minutes, livid. "Where the fuck have you been?" he screams at me.

Now, I had spent the whole evening before in a state of severe fucked up seasickness. I had had a miserable evening and was tired. I didn't understand what he was talking about. "What?" I asked. "I just got off the boat."

Him (screaming): The fuck you did! I was waiting outside of customs. There was no way I could have missed you. So where the hell have you been and what have you been doing?

*Hugs*

'nuff said.

The breaking up is hard, but you're doing the right thing. You can't stay with him because he loves you, you need to stay with him because you love him, and that's not the case. And you're not "throwing away" 5 years together - you'll always have those 5 years as memories and experiences to live and learn from.

We will have to harness the power of blogdom to get your UK visa. Someone must know someone who can help.

He's right...there are so many people out here pulling for you.

There's nothing anyone can say to make this better, but know that we are all here for you. It seems like when things are this bad all anyone wants is someone to talk to, to pour their heart out to...we're all listening, continue to pour away.

Helen,

It sucks. There's no other way to put it. I remember once, really getting injured. Laying there, hurt, and the only thing going through my mind was "well, this is going to suck for a long time." I knew what was ahead of me: a lot of hard work getting back to full health. It wasn't just the injury, it was the sure and certain knowledge that I wasn't going to be myself for weeks.

For you, it'll be longer. And there's no good news, only sucky news.

I feel awful for you. I often tell you that you have a lot of people pulling for you out here in the ether. And you do. Just keep that in mind.