Hello from London.
Actually, hello from the Newbury Public Library. Seeing as I haven't yet gotten a new laptop and a broadband connection, I think the library is going to get used to seeing me for a week or so.
Saturday at 2:00 pm I walked through the blazing white light on the other side of the immigrations gate at Heathrow. It had been a rough morning-I sobbed as I hugged my beautiful dog goodbye (and even stupidly kept his half chewed Pyrex bone which I cannot even face today). I sobbed as I hugged my beautiful cats goodbye. I sobbed as I found myself looking around my house, trying to memorize all of the little details. And as I hugged Partner Unit goodbye at the airport, I sobbed then too.
And then I boarded my airplane and flew away.
On the other side of the white light was Mr. Y, waiting with an enormous smile and a beautiful card. He hugged me tightly and we spent every moment after that-waiting for the bus, riding the bus, riding the train-kissing each other, him digging his hands in my hair and me needing to get as close as possible to him.
We agreed that I would stay in his spare room for a little while, and his flatmate (who is thinking of bunking off to the U.S. anyway) had no problem with that.
Saturday night he curled up behind me, a mixture of heat and excitement and awe. "We're together." he said wonderously into my hair and neck. "We're together." he repeated, and he kept repeating it again and again as he held me close.
We're together.
Every moment is something new and old. There is the familiar age about the way I trust and confide in him, weaved together with a whole new feeling that the dynamics between us have shifted so much. The way I feel about him only intensifies with time, which catches me off guard. He walks past me and takes a second to thread his fingers through mine-and it sets me alight. He tells me I am beautiful. He tells me how much he loves me. He spanks me in a fun-filled romp. He reaches for my toes on the couch and rolls them between his fingers.
And I can hardly believe, after all of these years, Mr. Y and I together are the reality.
I rode the train into Paddington station today, an awesome structure of iron and glass. Ghosts from other times alighted the platform with me, some moving their bustling skirts, others wiping their tears for their soldiers as I walked confidently down the platform in my business suit and strappy shoes. I got an enormous enimatic cup of Starbucks coffee, sucking down the bitter goodness in just a few luscious gulps.
I went into the office, a tall building smack dab in the center of London-people were hustling about, headed places, doing things, and I felt my heart quicken-I too would get to do these things. I too had a purpose here.
I met with my manager who took me for coffee to talk. He told me about my job, which would be so serious and urgent for company business that I would spend the next 4 months in a fishbowl. "It's high pressure", he explained. "And very high visibility."
Ah. Sounds familiar.
"But I want you to have fun when you do it. Relax. When we interviewed you I knew you were the one for the job." he says to me.
I don't know how to handle these compliments. I sip my coffee and feel my strappy shoes on the arch of my foot.
"You haven't even seen my work yet." I reply.
"It doesn't matter." he replied. "You will have a job as long as you want one here with Dream Job. And I know for a fact that you have it in you to be a director in this company. You have it in you to go far. You have the ambition and the enthusiasm, you can get things done." He shrugs on his coat and smiles at me. "I believe in you, Helen."
And I feel such a burst of hope and happiness. It's as Jim said in the previous comments-I have such a bitter hatred for Company X, so to know that Dream Job believes in me, even though I was unemployed, saves my life.
I checked for the necklace, but it had been sold. I will find a similar one for me, something as a present to myself for surviving.
Life Number 6 has begun. And so far, I am fucking crazy about it.
-H.
PS-Mr. Y does know about the blog, but I will write what I am feeling, even if it gets me in trouble :)
Posted by Everydaystranger at March 8, 2004 05:56 PM | TrackBackHelen! 1,000 congratulation and best wishes! You totally deserve some happiness!
And ...
"I rode the train into Paddington station today, an awesome structure of iron and glass. Ghosts from other times alighted the platform with me, some moving their bustling skirts, others wiping their tears for their soldiers as I walked confidently down the platform in my business suit and strappy shoes."
You are such a romantic writer. Paddington does have that feeling and it has a special meaning for me - I was born not far from there and I met my wife on a train departing from Paddington too. Wow! Talk about ghosts!
" I got an enormous enimatic cup of Starbucks coffee, sucking down the bitter goodness"
Helen I respectfully have to disagree with you here. Did you know that they are often referred to as "Charbucks" in the trade? You really can taste the carbon from the burnt beans. If only their coffee roasting skills were as good as their beautiful packaging... If you ever visit Australia I'd recommend Gloria Jean's or any number of independent cafes. Still the POMs are making great strides in their coffee offerings compared to 5 years ago when instant coffee and UHT milk constituted a POMMY cappuccino! LOL!
Posted by: Steve P at March 10, 2004 01:49 PMI am so visiting you once everything is set. Not in the scary "hey, I'm on your doorstep uninvited for three weeks" kind of way; more the "hey, feel like going for a pint tonight unexpectedly" way! I love London. I love that you're in it, starting over and trying your damndest to find a way through all the stuff that's gone before.
Address, please, if you will. You deserve a welcome package!
Posted by: Kaetchen at March 9, 2004 05:49 PMI'm so happy for you! Things are going into place for you so well!
Regarding your P.S., Bob knows that I have a blog, but he says that he doesn't want to read it because of the fact that it's "my" space. I'm the kind of person that usually says exactly what I think (at the moment I think it), so really, he's probably heard whatever it is that I'm blogging. :)
Um, can i have you email address please? i hope that isnt too forward *blushes*
abs x
Sounds like this life is off to a really good quality start with lots of stroking on the work side and on the homefires side.
I shudder (happily) to think of a contented Helen! I'm sure you'll still find lots to write about and we'll be here to read it.
Re: Your PS, its tougher than you think but it'll be interesting to see how it goes for you. My wife reads me sometimes but I make sure to never ever discuss the important private matters on the blog. I've got other spots for that where I'm anonymous.
Posted by: Johnny Huh? at March 9, 2004 04:23 PMYay! A happy Helen
Posted by: Marie at March 9, 2004 03:26 PMOhh I am soo happy for you. You have been thru hell and I hope live #6 is everything you ever wanted. For such a young soul, you have lived thru hell and survived!
Posted by: cheryl at March 9, 2004 02:31 PMI've got a heart bursting with hope for you. This is such a bright open post, all about the new life you're starting, the future that could come out of it, and I want it to turn out just the way you do. But you know how it goes -- there are always surprises, and setbacks, and good girls triumphing over bad evils. So you might want to bookmark this entry and look back on it for strength when you need to, or just happy memories of how this incarnation of you came to be.
Posted by: Layne at March 9, 2004 01:27 PMooh, I am so happy for you I have tears in my eyes!
I remember getting off the plane and meeting Mr C.
I know these feelings you describe...
*hugs*
So far, your life #6 looks fantastic: being together with Mr. Y and getting such high praise from your new manager - heady stuff indeed. Shame about the necklace, though.
Posted by: Gudy at March 9, 2004 09:22 AMGreat news - we all believe in you and obviously the Dream Job people do too. Does high visibility mean low blog visibility?
More importantly, anyone heard from Luuka?
Posted by: Simon at March 9, 2004 06:39 AMI'm so happy for you. You have been through so much and it's about time things go your way.
Your readers have always believed in you. Now you have found "real life people" who also believe in you.
Keep us posted on Dream Job.
I'm so happy for you and your brand new lifSo sad having to leave the dog and the kitties..and XPU as well, but this new life sounds like it has enough joy and possibilities in it to heal the hurt quite a bit. Enjoy it, you deserve it!e!
Posted by: JaxVenus at March 8, 2004 11:51 PMSo, if you are in the library now, does that mean you are not blogging naked? =)
It sounds like you are having the time of this life! way to go H! you so deserve it.
Dane
Posted by: Dane at March 8, 2004 11:16 PMTears of joy are currently welling up in my eyes for you. If anyone deserves this, its you. Best wishes and I will keep reading! J
Posted by: jennifer at March 8, 2004 11:14 PMMr Y, Dream Job, Company X....
I'm feeling like it a bond movie more and more.
Posted by: drew at March 8, 2004 11:13 PMHappiness is a wonderful thing. Usually, when you hear the term "just desserts" it means something bad happening to someone who deserves it. You're the opposite. You're finally getting the nice things that you deserve.
And all your regulars are fucking crazy about it, too.
Posted by: Jiminy at March 8, 2004 11:01 PMThings are looking good so far for life number six!
Drop me a line if you want to know any good lunch or after-work drinking places. I might as well put some of the knowledge I've built up over the last four years to good use.
Posted by: Gareth at March 8, 2004 10:09 PMI'm so happy for you. I can't wait to read all about life 6.
Posted by: emily at March 8, 2004 09:35 PMPsst. Need new UK address.
Posted by: Sarah at March 8, 2004 08:47 PMwhat your new manager said to you is just awesome. what a wonderful way to start life 6. *kisses for you*
Posted by: kat at March 8, 2004 08:44 PMFingers crossed for you, kiddo. And, more traditionally: Yay!
Posted by: Ted at March 8, 2004 08:29 PMHear that noise?
It's the pieces falling together.
Enjoy London and toss back a tall 1ne on me at the West End's Intrepid Fox.
Cheers.
Posted by: Curator at March 8, 2004 08:23 PMSo I got that one right then? I was sort of guessing at the end. You know, whether to write out the closure or just abbreviate it "FOAD".
;-)
Posted by: Jim at March 8, 2004 07:29 PMI will be sure to let you know of all the texas/cowboy music that comes through town. Infact, The Hot Club of Cowtown (http://www.hotclubofcowtown.com) will be playing at Lock 17 on April 27. Trust me when I say it is like nothing you have ever seen or heard. They are impressive.
Posted by: Chris at March 8, 2004 07:07 PMGood luck in Jolly Ol' England.
Have a Lager n' Lime for me!!
Posted by: Tom at March 8, 2004 06:33 PMSo weird to have you blog from London, it is like you have now entered my world!
I am so so happy for you Helen, i am sure i have said it a hundred times before.
I totally understnad how having your new manager say those things would save your life. Enjoy it, you deserve it, and i am sure that him treating you will will have rewards for you, him and the company. Good luck special girl
abs xxxx
Posted by: abs at March 8, 2004 06:24 PM"Life Number 6 has begun. And so far, I am fucking crazy about it."
Helen, I think so are we. As far as blogging goes, and as much as I love reading you, stay out of trouble. Mr Y. is the one to keep, isnīt he? Miguel.
Eep! Things are going so well for you - I think that makes all of us very happy for you. It's awesome to be able to see this transformation in you. I can't imagine how hard it was to leave, but it was the right thing for you and you did it.
Congrats!
Posted by: Heather at March 8, 2004 06:02 PM