Saturday night Mr. Y and I were on the couch, watching tv and quaffing a nice sauvignon blanc. Mr. Y walks into the other room and comes back with a pillow, a towel, and a few hidden bits in the pockets of his dressing gown. He spreads the towel on the floor and lays the pillow down and turns to me.
“Lay down.” He instructs.
I leap off the couch to comply. I already like the sound of this one.
I lay down and he removes my pajama bottoms, exposing me to the air. He reaches into his pocket and brings out a gentleman’s beard trimmer, complete with a number of head attachments, and kneels down over me, surveying the landscape closely.
“I hadn’t trimmed it in a while.” I say, smiling. “I thought it would be your job.”
“Indeed.” He replied. “I’m just trying to think of what shape to go with.”
And he sits there and looks around the area a bit, perhaps testing the design thoughts in his mind, and then nods to himself, sits up, and snaps a new head on the trimmer. He kneels over me, and clicks it on.
Instantly, I am a sea of squirmy ticklishness, as I am being vibrated by a toy with teeth. Let me tell you-when you shave yourself, it’s easy (just a little bit nerve-wracking), since it’s impossible to tickle yourself. Have someone else parting the lips, and it’s much harder to keep the thigh muscles from jerking around and the bottom from clenching tight.
Mr. Y made a number of passes through the hills and valleys, scooping out the hair with the trimmer, and laying the area flat with just a 2 mm length of fur. He surveyed it critically while I relaxed, feeling my stomach muscles heave from laughing too hard.
He sat up, nodding to himself, and then adjusted the razor head to the one that would make a clean sweep of the shorn pasture area he had left behind. And with a few well-planned moves (which also left me in fits of laughter, as it tickled like mad), the playing field as smooth. He then carefully parted the lips and, instructing me to hold still upon pain of nicking, he gently removed all the hair from inside the lips and around the happy place.
Sitting up, he surveyed his work, and nodded. He had removed all the hair save for one tiny square patch, and he had done a fabulous job.
"Don't get up!" he warned, and so I lay back, feeling my muscles relax again and the air around my exposed parts. Seconds later, there was the sound of machinery as he fired up the dustbuster and removed all the hair from me. Far from being erotic, it also tickled like mad, but I must say it was an effective hair cleanup routine. I'd never been dustbusted before. Guess there's a first time for everything.
The cleanup done, he nodded, pleased with his work.
Then he sampled it.
Again.
And again.
I could get used to this.
-H.
PS-Happy 42nd Birthday to my lovely Mr. Y. I hope you liked your birthday presents. :)
very interesting.
Posted by: pylorns at April 21, 2004 05:33 PMThanks for sharing this. My wife has a racing stripe or landing strip about 1" wide. The rest is bare and and I love it.
Posted by: Tee at April 21, 2004 02:52 PMI really have to stop reading this at work.
Mr Y certainly has no excuses in future years when you have a real lawn that needs mowing. He'll have to rake it and all.
Posted by: Simon at April 21, 2004 05:59 AMOk, I must admit I didn't get the box thing until I got here to the comments section. Call me a slow child...
Happy Birthday Mr Y, any cereal preferences sir? =)
Posted by: Dane at April 21, 2004 02:24 AM*whew* This is why I've stopped reading you before work.
The box is damned funny.
No stars though. If need be, I'll send Mr Y a bluenote to copy. *LOL*
Posted by: Easy at April 20, 2004 11:06 PMAs we all lift our glasses, " To Mr Y....May you always have the health and vigor to play in the lovely Ms H's new square bush and forever enjoy the feel of your finger gently caressing her "trigger".
Posted by: greyheadedstranger at April 20, 2004 08:06 PMHappy Birthday Mr. Y!
And Helen, I have to agree the picture is wonderful. That smile, wow, you look so happy. I love it.
of all the things he could have sculpted..a heart, a rose, a bird..he made a box? (oh, now I get it.)
Posted by: jimi at April 20, 2004 06:54 PMOh my goodness, I laughed myself silly over the dustbuster, but hey if it works I won't knock it hehehe ;D
And I agree - it is a lovely picture :)
Posted by: Onyx at April 20, 2004 06:17 PMThat is such a good idea! I must get mine to do that for me too. Oh, and thanks for the congrats on all the great stuff going on ;) Seems like when life is happy, it can be very happy all at once.
Posted by: Amynah at April 20, 2004 03:16 PMNothing like a little personal topiary to create a focal point in an already interesting landscape. :)
Posted by: Ted at April 20, 2004 03:01 PMMy husband did something similar like that to me last year. I felt kindof weird at first but, I closed my eyes and let him at it. As it turned out it was fun and exciting.
Happy Birthday Mr. Y
I too, love this picture of you. You can see the happiness in your eyes. Truly Radiant!!!
Posted by: Tiffani at April 20, 2004 02:21 PMStop! A dustbuster??! Oh my. I also noticed how radiantly happy you look in the new picture.
Happy Birthday to Mr. Y!
Posted by: Lisa at April 20, 2004 01:49 PMErotic... hmmm, that sounds potentially very painful. Lots of sensitive hardware in that neck of the woods.
Happy B-Day dude.
Posted by: Curator at April 20, 2004 01:29 PMH,
Leave it to you guys to turn something as boring as a Dustbuster into something erotic! Bonus points for neatness.
Happy Birthday Y. Your best present didn't even need wrapping!
Posted by: Paul at April 20, 2004 01:19 PMHappy Birthday, Mr. Y, and good job on the aftershave! ;-)
Now, if I could only convince my lovely wife of the benefits of a well-trimmed lawn...
Posted by: Gudy at April 20, 2004 12:02 PMHappy Birthday Mr.Y, and good job ;-). Miguel.
Posted by: msd at April 20, 2004 10:57 AMHappy Birthday Mr Y!
I was really hopeing he was going to shape you a heart of a star he he!
abs x
I just love the new pic of you. You look absolutely radiant!
Posted by: Heather at April 20, 2004 09:12 AMLOL! Happy birthday, Mr Y.
Where did he leave the square?
Mr Poodle got a razor for his birthday one year ;)
Happy birthday Mr Y and thankyou for making Helen so happy, being so adept with the beardtrimmers....and all :)
Posted by: nisi at April 20, 2004 08:09 AM