I just talked to my X Partner Unit. In the background, I could hear one of my cats, Mumin, crying in the background. I could see her, even. Snaking around X Partner Unit's ankels as he stood there, holding onto the phone.
We got the court papers.
It's official.
As of today, we are divorced.
And I don't know how I feel, I don't know what to think. Mr. Y is many miles away and not available for hugs and reassurance, and anyway I don't know that I could talk about this-we had a problem discussing it in the past once, and I haven't broached the subject since.
Today his day is marked with seeing his gorgeous children, a stressful day at work, and negotiating the details of his divorce with his ex-wife.
My day was marked by trains, silence, worry, and now divorce.
On the other end of that phone is a man that I really did love. That I always will love. No, he wasn't the fiery passion that is Mr. Y. He took care of me when I went crazy, scared me with his anger and temper, defended me like a soldier, and couldn't talk to me nor I with him. I have to get my things out of the house immediately now, the house is all his and my title now truly and fully Ms.
I am so glad to be with Mr. Y and so sorry that I hurt X Partner Unit.
So at the end of the day, I am happy, sad, devastated but free.
Maybe that explains the burning hateful lump in my throat, or the reason of why I am crying.
Signing off with my bottle of wine now, and my box of Kraft macaroni and cheese (laugh if you must, but right now, I just wanted something from my past, a comfort food that always comforted, a reassurance that always reassured, a constant that will always make sense in a crazy world.)
-H.
Posted by Everydaystranger at May 12, 2004 08:35 PM | TrackBackOh, Helen, sweetie - I feel like you could be my little sister. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is my big comfort food, too.
There is something about you that makes so many of us want to protect you from hurt and pain. So many of us are rooting for your happiness.
Follow your heart, sweet Helen. If you ever end up in our area (Leavenworth, KS), call and you have our guest room and our friendship.
Please don't let anyone hurt you again. And please, don't hurt yourself again.
You did a great job with little Jeff in the movie - you are fine, you are good, you are more than worthwhile. Please remember that!
Posted by: Beth Donovan at May 18, 2004 02:41 AMThis may sound harsh. You claim in your previous post that all you want in a relationship is support and to root each other like rabbits.
However in a much earlier post, somewhere in the archives, you also say that you want children very much. You say the want is so strong it's almost physical.
Don't value your relationship with a much older man, who doesn't want any further children, so highly that it allows you to deny yourself children.
In ten years time you may not be rooting like rabbits. I know, I know, you are shaking your head. But funny things happen to the libido on the way to age 50, babe, especially if he's much, much older - and that goes double if he's got English dental hygiene.
Don't give up children for this man. If you really want them, start looking now. You don't have all the time in the world.
There, I said it'd sound harsh.
Posted by: Helen at May 15, 2004 10:37 AMI must admit, I *luv* Cali/UK time offsets. Your posts land at the perfekt time.
Never married, I have seen the heartache of divorce time-and-time again through others; alas knowing what UR going through is foreign having never treaded.
So often divorce is cast by judgements.
Not the case here.
I lit a candle 4U tonight.
Posted by: Curator at May 13, 2004 07:32 AMWine and Kraft macaroni and cheese? When do you open your restaurant?
Posted by: Simon at May 13, 2004 06:48 AMAS with everything you have overcom so far, you will overcome this. It is another milestone in your life, and each of those milestones makes you the person you are.
Love 'n' hugs sweetie, you deserve them :)
AxXx
Posted by: Lemurgirl at May 13, 2004 12:13 AMMilestone moment, love. *hugs*
Posted by: Courtney at May 12, 2004 11:57 PM
Congratulations and hugs...
After a 18 hour long working day, with things on the right track but tired... I can only say "Love from here". Miguel.
Sounds like today is one of those simultaneous hello and goodbye moments for you. Congratulations and good luck.
Posted by: the girl at May 12, 2004 08:44 PM