When I dry my hair, I do so sitting down in front of a mirror, the edges of my robe hiked up around my knees to keep me from getting overheated, and the various tools that I will be needing-hair straightening tongs, etc-scattered around my legs like the rejects of Robot Wars. I dry my hair sitting down as I actually find blow-drying hair to be incredibly boring, and so I read a magazine while I do it. I don't read books while drying the hair as that would imply breaking the spine on the back of the book, and that's tantamount to murder to me, it's that grievous a sin.
Previously, I confess, my magazines of choice have been Marie Claire and Cosmopolitan. I know I shouldn't admit that, but it's true. When I read books, I up the intelligence level, but if I am perusing a magazine, I want it to be the kind that I don't care too much if I have to stop halfway through a magazine article.
Only lately, I have found that it simply no longer applies. How to Have a Wild Holiday Fling! screams one of the headlines. Bikini Body Makeovers! crows another one. I flip through them and can read about erogenous zones, the perfect spray-on suntan, or if black is the new black.
And I find I just don't care about that kind of stuff. Hey man-it's cool, fuck away on your holiday and more power to you. Get a buff bikini body or at least accept that on any beach, there will be women that look better than you and women that look worse. So maybe I have out grown the magazines, but as I idly flipped through Good Housekeeping in the grocery store the other day, I realize I haven't grown up enough for it.
I have officially entered the Getting Older Zone.
In the mirror in the morning, after I use a spackler to apply the heavy anti-wrinkle and anti-aging creams, I check out my eyes and mouth for any signs of a wrinkle, and I have to confess that, at age 30, I am still wrinkle-free. I guess slathering on the anti-wrinkle cream from the age of 20 has helped, but regardless, I am still keeping an eye on it. I wonder too about the rest of me-my mother used to sigh and shake her head, saying that women reach an age where their body isn't so good at losing weight, and their hair thins out and slows down the growth. I look at my short hair in the mirror and hope to god that's not the case-although I have been glad to try the short hair thing, I think the truth is: I am a long-haired chick.
And I am petrified my hair is going to stop growing and leave me with the short hair.
And that everything I eat will cause cottage cheese-like deposits of fat on my hips and stomach.
And that my face is going to get so wrinkled that birds will be building nests in there.
Am I at that age where suddenly society regards you as a woman? If I had been in a car accident 5 years ago at the age of 25, and have been taken to the hospital, I imagine a newspaper story would report it thus:
"A young unidentified woman, looking strikingly like Julia Roberts but without the carp-like mouth, was involved in a serious collision today and is in critical condition at a local area hospital. Doctors say they expect her to make a full recovery and that her ass is in no way hanging out of the back of her gown in any kind of unattractive way."
But now that I am 30, would it be thus?:
"A middle-aged unidentified woman was involved in a serious collision today and is in critical condition at a local area hospital. Doctors are searching for the woman's family to see if they can possibly arrange organ donation, since even if she lives she looks as though she has been rode hard and put up wet."
Would I be referred to by the slogan "middle-aged woman"? Is 30 middle-aged? Is life catching up to me now?
A few weeks ago 2 pints of beer and 2 glasses of wine resulted in the second worst hangover in my life. Ten years ago, I would never have had a hangover like that, in fact ten years ago I didn't even get hangovers. Ten years ago I could sleep until noon, but now I am up by around 9:00 at the absolute latest, and that's only if Mr. Y and I have been at the alcohol and rumpy-bumpy the night before.
Worried that my hair won't grow long again, that my face will get fraught with wrinkles, and that this is the worrisome time in my life that my mother always spoke of, the time when a woman's metabolism changes and she finds that even looking at an ice chip will cause her to gain 15 pounds, I stand before my mirror, hoping my hair will grow, and slather on the moisturizer.
This morning I sit down and get bored off my gourd by Marie Claire, since I haven't identified my magazine genre yet, and anyway I have nothing else to read. I open to the middle, and there it is-coltish looking waif models in bikinis and stillettos. And I look outside at the rising sun, the promise of real heat today, and I take a stand. I turn off the hair dryer, stand up, and throw away the magazine. I am planning on wearing a gauzy flirty girl dress today. I don't need reminding of the fact that I am not a size 2, and never will be. I just want to feel good.
Bin the magazine-I promise you'll feel better even if you don't know whether black is the new black or not.
-H.
Sweetie,
Try very hard to remember that the people who comment here are dealing with issues of their own and responding to your writing through a window that is clouded by those issues. I have been guilty of that myself in the recent past. (My humble appologies for making you defensive regarding your relationship with Mr. Y. I just think you're wonderful and I worry about you - even if it's not my place.) I understand your defensive posture this time, too. It did seem like an odd twist to the point you were trying to make.
I was returning to post a comment to try and reassure you that life does indeed get better and better as you get older. I always thought that my life would 'come together' during my 30's. Instead, it rather fell apart. I divorced my high school sweetheart and am now on my own raising 3 teenagers. At 41, I am at the point now that I look forward to the future and to spending it with the wonderful new man in my life. Sure, there are a few wrinkles, and my breasts aren't as perky as they were when I was 25, but the experiences I have gained in the intervening years more than make up for those surface things.
In other words, try not to look at your age as a definition of who you are. You have experience and wisdom that you didn't at 25 and you will always be beautiful if you want to be.
As for magazines, I haven't found one I like better than Redbook. It's more 'grown-up' than Cosmo but no where near the level of Good Housekeeping. I hope to never be that old...heh.
Posted by: Suzanne at June 9, 2004 04:39 PM
"that would imply breaking the spine on the back of the book, and that's tantamount to murder to me, it's that grievous a sin"
I believe it was originally the 11th commandment, but Moses tripped on the way down. FWIW, I completely agree with you. I learned at an early age to whom I should I loan my books.
Posted by: physics geek at June 9, 2004 03:55 PMYou think I think I am above relationship counselling?
I did it with my ex.
I would do it again.
I never said I was against it. Don't know where you got that one from. But I am feeling under attack just for posting about fuckign aging.
Posted by: Helen at June 9, 2004 01:44 PM>A Real Helen? I am really sorry that you have been going through a rough time, but that doesn't mean you get to have a go at Mr. Y for that-he didn't choose me since I am a younger woman.
Perhaps. But, hmmm. Has this been a pattern since time immemorial or what?
I>t also doesn't mean in 10 years time he is going to dump me for a 30 year old.
Darlin' that's what I thought too.. You see I thought we were special like you and mr Y... This is sort of an early warning.
You know all those daggy things like relationship counselling that you think you're Above? Like they're not Romantic? Maybe I shouldn't have been so snobbish.
You know, I have no clue why people don't understand that just because you want to be happy in life, doesn't mean you to want to kick other people that may be less fortunate in doing so.
Helen, I think you have more than enough sympathy for your ex. Secondly, I don't think that anyone REALLY knows how you feel and what you might be going through in order to judge whether you may or may not have more sympathy.
Thirdly, I'm offended that "Real Helen" would imply that age was a factor at all for you and Mr. Y being together. I just needed to say that :)
Posted by: Existentialwolf at June 9, 2004 01:25 PMA Real Helen? I am really sorry that you have been going through a rough time, but that doesn't mean you get to have a go at Mr. Y for that-he didn't choose me since I am a younger woman. It also doesn't mean in 10 years time he is going to dump me for a 30 year old. If you want to think that way, then you are not giving either him or me any credit whatsoever.
As to giving his wife sympathy, believe me, I actually do. But I am beginning to think I am doing so to my own detriment. I am sick of feeling guilty just for being in love, and I am sick of feeling guilty that others are hurt.
And I am not in any way going to feel guilty for writing that I am worried about wrinkles. This post didn't have a fucking thing to do with Mr. Y or his ex, it simply was about my own worries.
Posted by: Helen at June 9, 2004 11:34 AMI'm 47, and my husband has just had a fling with someone your age. He's come back to me, but I feel the difference between my body and a 30 year old's body, bitterly. You should be more sympathetic to Mr Y's ex; I now realise how she feels. It is simply vain and shallow to go on and on about being so old when you have just taken someone else's husband as the "younger woman". (If they were already apart, then apologies, but I'm sure it doesn't make her feel any less ugly and discarded.).
You will be 40 something yourself one day, believe it or not, and then the same thing may happen to you with another 30something... In fact, it almost certainly will...
30 isn't middle-aged, unless you think it is. Same with any age, really, if you think about it. It's all just an attitude. Sure, some ages are older than others, but that's not a bad (or a good thing).
One things I have found strange, is that at 32, I have no problem losing weight or keeping weight off. I had the opposite problem in my 20s.
Posted by: dawn at June 9, 2004 05:32 AM40 is over the hill bud.
You have a long way to go.
NINjoy.
Alas, as a recent 40 year old; I've come to discover a sense of relief. No need to convey behaviour patterns typical of youth.
Things in ways are a lot easier.
Cheers.
Posted by: Curator at June 9, 2004 05:18 AMLet me speak from the 42 year old perspective. (Look up, UP! I'm way up here, all alone.) I am much worse, I have to read People and Us every week. HAVE to have them, I read them in the bathtub with bubbles and wine. Yum, like cotton candy for the brain.
I am finally getting a few wrinkles. This is my mantra, hope it doesn't depress you: In another 50 years I'll be gone, so who cares about the wrinkles, as long as I get them doing fun stuff? For example, putting the top down on Gustave, my beautiful M3 convertible and driving like a bat out of hell for an hour this afternoon. ( I have to admit, I'm glad I wasn't a tanning goddess in high school, though. Some of my friends look REALLY dried up. Hee! Excuse the glee.)
AS far as creams go, buy the good ones. I recommend Sothys, I spend a bundle but BOY! does it make a difference.
I know People and Us are too lowbrow for you (let alone the tabloids and Now and Here magazines I make my husband buy whenever he comes through Heathrow). May I recommend Vanity Fair? Or you could try my routine - I broke down and bought one of those hairdryer sacks that fit over your head full of curlers. I shower, roll them up, make a cup of tea and plug in the helmet right next to the computer and read your blog in the morning while my hair is drying.
Unfortunately, I'll probably have leftovers in the morning unless you post again. A little incentive for you. :)
Posted by: Oda Mae at June 8, 2004 08:46 PMYes, partner, you were getting older even in your 20s, but if you were like most young people, you had no consciousness of it. NOW THAT YOU'RE 30, maybe you're considering this reality. I'll be 60 in a few months, and I still feel young. My body can't do what it did 30 years ago, but I enjoy a rich physical life. Of course I'm way younger now, mentally. A tip: beginning around 35, the body and brain begin to age...you actually start to lose it. But with physical and mental activity, you can grow and build on what you have. So start now to cultivate health and fitness in both areas. The foundation for you later years has to be established now, at your age, not my age. Just a tip, since you're in this reflective mood. Enjoy your youth, gal!
Posted by: Denny at June 8, 2004 04:25 PMI don't believe women reach the middle age at all. I turned 40 this spring and this is the best time of my life. Yes, I have greys showing through in my red hair, the skin isn't all that perfect anymore and I'm far away as fit as I used to be 10 years ago...but I'm not middle age.
I'm Antique & Collectable *grin*
Age is relative and 30 isn't old. We all end up in an age where we just don't really fit in to an age group. People tend to feel comfy when they can put a label on themself or others as "middleaged", "teenager" or whatever and when it's not there we get uncomfy and confused.
And that is usually what the society needs to keep the balance.
Believe me, I'm not ready for Good Housekeeping either...and I don't fancy Cosmopolitan anymore since it's too far away from what's real in my world today.
I rather dive into the art magasines. But that's me.
For every decade it takes time to find yourself again. You will grow as a person, accept new ideas and new thoughts that might show up...you might change your taste in music slightly and so on. It's nice when you can look back at it and see the changes and how invisible they usually are when they happen.
I agree with Kim that hangovers are getting worse and worse with age though. Unless you keep drinking that is ;) Which is not a good way to solve a bad hangover.
And I wouldn't worry about those wrinkle creams...I've never used a single one myself and the wrinkles I have today is from laughing.
Don't worry about what others think about your age - just enjoy it :)
uh... Helen, I think you're about 15 years too soon on "middle-age" and 25 years too soon on the weight issue... so lighten up, OK? : )
Posted by: Annette at June 8, 2004 03:29 PMYour breaking the spine comment killed me. My ex used to walk past me and comment "reading without your special gloves again?". This from the woman who would dog-ear pages for a bookmark. Barbarian.
Whore.
Whoops.
Posted by: Paul at June 8, 2004 02:51 PMPersonally, I love reading the magazine called "Self". Such a nice balance of things!
As for getting older, I just look back and think of how if someone had asked me what age I'd go back to if I could, I'd simply reply "No thank you, life tends to just get better and better for me."
Posted by: Existentialwolf at June 8, 2004 02:36 PM"Middle aged"? Heck no. You've entered the thirty-something zone. This is the non-descriptor years. A gal in her twenties is a young woman, one on her forties is middle aged. Thirty-somethings don't have a descriptor. Your accident report would now look something like this:
"A woman identified only as 'Helen', with a fanny that looks spectacular in guy unders, was involved in a serious collision today and is in critical condition at a local area hospital. Hospital email systems have been overloaded by queries from concerned individuals worldwide."
Posted by: Jim at June 8, 2004 02:29 PMEveryday I go throught the mid life mirror check. The weight gain is a big one for me as you know. I'm obsessed with it.
Try having kids...they'll bring you down a couple notches. Forget magazines...kids will tell you flat out that your butts too big or you have a few wrinkles.
Posted by: Tiffani at June 8, 2004 02:19 PMGetting older beats the alternative, right?
It's a shame we worship youth and that the benefits of getting older aren't revered as they should be. Beauty and strength are a poor substitute for wisdom and experience. Enjoy the former while you have them, but pursue the latter with great expectations not with fear and trepidation.
Posted by: Solomon at June 8, 2004 01:47 PM"One of the signs of age is that you start to think about the morning after the night before"
This wisdom was imparted to me when I was about 27 by an older woman who was my boss. It's very true. I can still party with the best of them, but I need more recovery time.
I'm not sure exactly where middle age is. But OLD is about 20 years older than whatever age you are right now.
Posted by: Easy at June 8, 2004 01:14 PMheh, yeah, definitely a good move on the magazine. i banned those things long ago. they're like mcdonald's food. they smell good, but after you consume them, you feel like crap.
Posted by: kat at June 8, 2004 12:45 PMGood call on binning that magazine.
But what is this obsession about getting older? I've never found age to be anywhere near a reliable indicator for just about anything: there are seriously unpleasant people wrt. both looks and character in the under-30 crowd, and there are breathtakingly attractive or outright sexy people (like my mother-in-law) in the 50+ department.
Although I do wonder now whether my indifference towards age is at least in part due to me not doing alcohol and therefore not having any need for the better recuperative abilities of youth. ;-)
Posted by: Gudy at June 8, 2004 11:30 AMWait 'til you're 31. That's when it really starts to fall apart.
Is black really the new black? Then what's brown now? How now brown cow?
As for the hangover thing, I put it down to all the additives they put in drinks these days, unlike all that home made moonshine you used to drink.
Posted by: Simon at June 8, 2004 08:30 AMi'm 27 and if i go out nowadays and get home drunk in the morning, i need at least 3 days to recuperate. a few years ago when we got home at six in the morning we'd be like "sleep well and hey, what are we gonna do tonight?".
my best friend and i spent a whole night at one of our regular clubs the other day realizing how old we are. there was no "flirting-material" in the entire place cause all the guys were too young. we had never realized that before.
i don't think your hair will stop growing just yet.
Posted by: kim at June 8, 2004 08:07 AM