And that's not the end of the list? Sheesh.

As for travel, it seems you guys are away almost every weekend. It's almost like you're never at home anyway!

The 'cranberry bowl'. I myself have created this phenominon. You'll probably be recommended for a sigmoidoscopy (but if they let you get the whole colonoscopy, go for it).

Mine was diagnosed as accute autoimmune ulcerative colitis.

It's a (pardon the pun) giant pain in the ass.

Good luck. God bless.

Hope you get well soon. BTW, where is Luuka?

Oops! Mea Culpa! I didn't realize these comments don't keep the email address.

If someone wants me to simply email the mac-n-cheese recipe, my address is:

awinebuff@gmail.com

Sorry 'about that.

I just did a Mac-N-Cheese blog and ended up posting my recipe in my comments! Deja-vu to read of it here.

If anyone wants it, you can either plow through my comments on that entry (I think it was last Friday's, cleverly entitled "Macaroni and Cheese") or email me and I'll send it back. Happy to do so. :-)

Helen, you said: "- I want the freedom of knowing that a fight doesn't mean that we are on the way to breaking up."

I want that too. I'll say this, the paralyzing fear is better now, years later, than when we first got together.

When Dan and I first got together and had a fight, I believed it was the end of the world and the end of my life. Each time. Funny thing is, he did too. So we'd end up comforting each *other* over the fears that the other one was leaving when they really weren't. Whew, did that make sense? ;-)

Oops! Forgot my footnote.

* We are an Atlas heavy household. We have the Big Atlas as well as a number of normal sized Atli, a Preschool Atlas, Atlas of the States, and my favorite - a historical Atlas. It's entirely possible that I've missed one or more here.

That is so weird. About a week before we closed on the house Lovely Wife was packing stuff (Lovely Wife does not wait for trifling things like closings) and came across our big Atlas*. She showed the kids and I a bunch of the places where she went vacationing and Mallorca (she pronounced it May-or'-ka with the "may" rolling right into the "or") was one of her favorites. I hope y'all have a wonderful time there.

If you do manage to perfect that mac-a-cheese recipe please do send me a copy. I'm always working on tweaking mine and wouldn't mind a hint or two.

As far as your rock and you always being the right color, that's already here. You see, the sparklies and the lustre are just the reflection of things off of you. Put that rock in a crystal decanter full of water and see what it looks like.

I am crossing my fingers you don't wind up needing a colonoscopy but ah . . . if I'm reading this right you probably need a colonoscopy. Which means that now more than ever, you have my fondest good-luck wishes and my deepest sympathy.

The nice thing about your list of wants is how many of them seem to be in progress. That's a great place in which to find yourself.

I hope the tests will end up being ok...blood is a part of you that should stay inside your body, nowhere else.

As for the list I can pick out more than half of the wishes for myself too. I hope you'll get yours granted :)

Happy to know that you've already visited the doc. That loo business sounds like bad news. Could be that's why you're tired, too - constantly replacing blood like that is hard on the body. (I should know, ugh.) Lots of vegetarian women are severely anemic, so you might want to think about supplements.

As for the emotional stuff...oh dear. It sounds, as it often does with you, as if what you most want is a family, a solid, well-constructed one that gives you and those you love a safety net. My only advice is that families take lots and lots of time to build. (Yes, you're a smart woman who already knows this, but it bears repeating.) Give yourself space. You and Mr Y are both still recovering from very difficult life situations. That you're able to be with Melissa and plan vacations together are excellent signs. Take pleasure in your capacity to grow together.

I think you may be well on your way to a bunch of things on your list. Hope all goes well at the doctor. And OhMyGod! Those are the cheapest flights ever. I wish I could get one that cheap to go visit My Man in Scotland... Oh well, that will just have to go on my list.

mmmm...perfect macaroni & cheese....ya gotta share your recipe, pretty please? By the way, can you buy Velveeta overseas? I visited NYC & could find everything but Velveeta.

on a serious note: I hope the whole doctor thing turns out ok and I hope that all, if not, at least some of your list comes true soon.

Thanks Solomon :)

I had enough blood drawn today to feed a small army of vampires, so I should know more in a week.

Until then, I like to think of my restroom visits as the height of attractive.

I hope (and pray) that the bleeding thing isn't serious. Please e-mail me if you have a specific prayer request that you don't want to post.

Never want to be hit again? Don't have children then:) Angel2 hits me all the time. She intends it for fun, but she's getting to where she can hit hard. I know what you really meant.

Your list seems doable assuming you can get Mr. Y (or someone else) to have children. I didn't notice any mutually exclusive items like: I want children AND I want to sleep well at night. Those two just don't go together:)

Good Luck at the Doctors. The cat was cute.

An excellent list. I hope you get what you want.

I also hope that you recognize when you get something that you didn't realize you wanted.

~Easy

that was a nice entry. And I'm so glad My Girl is home now :)

Wow. I love reading you and when you are emotional it always affects me, but never like this one... wiping away tears. Amazing.