Sorry, kids. Just heard from our head honchos that the employment axe is swinging again. 25% of our division to go and the hardest hit will be my group. I will not know if I have a job or not for another 2 months. To say I am deeply stressed and worried is an understatement.
I have been through four rounds-yes, that's right, count them-four. The last round was the worst, we lost something like 56% of our department. We came in to work one day and our managers told us to cancel all meetings. Stay in our offices. They will come round, one by one, and tell us if we had jobs or not.
It was hell. I survived, but sobbing others didn't. Those of us that were left were not only de-moralized, but had the "guilt syndrome"-we survived, but so many good, hard-working others didn't. We felt bad. Now more rounds are coming, and I find that I am already shaking with worry. This time will be closer for me than the others, I think. I had to swtich jobs in May, since I just couldn't handle the stress of my old job, I was falling apart. I worry that it will be held against me. For me, all of my adult life, my job has been everything.
See, if I lose my job, I will be welcomed with open arms to Fuckedville. That's right, a town of my very own. I am in Sweden on a work visa, sponsored by my company. If I lose my job, then I lose my visa. In order to get a visa for personal reasons (i.e. married to a Swede), I cannot be in the country while they process my application. This will take up to 6 months. In the meantime, the likelihood of me finding a job here is about as high as Britney Spears winning an Oscar for her acting.
But since I am not willing to go back to the US right now, I have to find a job in the EU. For this, I need an EU passport (which is in the works, however may not be ready for a month or so). However, my partner unit says if I leave Sweden to find a job in the EU, I am doing it alone. He does not want to sell our house.
Worst case scenario-I lose my job, lose my house, lose my partner, gain an alcohol dependency.
I am just going to try to get through my day today (last meeting ends at four pm) and then I will go home, wrap myself in flannel pajamas, and drink while watching reruns of Will and Grace.
I will try to find my mo tonight, and be back with humor tomorrow.
-H.
Posted by Everydaystranger at September 3, 2003 11:11 AM | TrackBack