Everyday Stranger

Drunk Chick Talk - Part 2

Drunk Chick Talk – Part 2

And then the sex talk started, after we put God to bed. And it was there that Annika started with the sex confessions.

I guess it started that way because there was alcohol, and there is something about my face that makes people want to tell me their sex stories. I have no problem with that-go ahead, tell me what’s on your mind. I sure as hell don’t mind. But if the words “vegetable shortening”, “midget”, and “pleather” come up in transition, then maybe I would mind. Otherwise, whatever rocks your Casbah.

Annika leaned over the table and looked at me intently. I thought I either had some spinach in my teeth or she was going to ask me to be a surrogate mother for her next child (um, the answer there would be NO). She bent in to whisper:

Her: Have you ever tried…alternate things?

Me: As in, grunge rock? Growing out the minge? That time I tried to snort Jell-O and act like it was coke at a party? Boy, I’ll never do that again!

Her: No, alternate things…there. You know.

Me: There? You mean Finland?

Her: No! I mean…IT!

I then knew where this is going.

Me. You mean sex?

Her (grabbing me): Shh! Keep it down!

Me. Good idea. There is the possibility we could offend Swedes with talk of sex. What’s the big deal?

Her: So? Have you done…alternate things?

Me: Annika, baby, you’re going to have to clarify for me what you’re looking for. The topic of sex is so broad.

I thought her eyes were going to pop out.

Her: You have had lots of sex?

Me: Well, I’m not a ho or anything, I mean I don't have my own suite in the downtown telephone booth or anything, but I am no stranger to sex, baby. What do you mean by lots? How many men have you had?

Her: Two!

Me: Two?

This stuns me. She is hot, in her early thirties, and seems interested in sex. How could she only have had two men? Has the universe been turned backwards? Are there still hot people that have only had sex with two people?

Her: Yup, just the two. How many have you had?

Me: I’m not saying an actual number, but let’s go with a few more than two.

Her (taking a deep breath): OK, so have you been…adventurous?

Me: You mean like sex in public?

Her: Oh my God, you’ve done that?

Me: Oh yeah. Loads of times. You?

Her: We just did that! We had it at an abandoned race track in the middle of the night. A quickie. We thought some midnight jogger might come by or something so we had to make it fast.

Wow. This couple really walks the wild side. I don't even think that really counts as al fresco sex, it seems to have taken the fun out of it, but I let her have it since she had a bit of canary hanging out of the corner of her mouth.

Her: But, I mean besides that, have you been adventurous?

Oh God. Are we going to have to call their dicks “little pee-pees” too? Why wouldn’t she just tell me what’s on her mind?

Me: What do you mean? Come on, we’re adults! Don’t be afraid to say it!

Her (taking a deep breath and saying in a rush): Have you ever had group sex?

Wow. Props to Annika. She doesn’t reserve her punches. I was waiting to be asked if I had ever had the audacity to be on top, or I had thought using an ice cube on him in the bed was the end all of excitement, but she really pulled out the stops.

Me (taking a sip of wine): Yes, I have actually. Once. Er...do you think I am a slut now?

Her: No, oh my God! Really? Oh my God. Honest? I so want to try that! Was it…great?

Me: Yup. I believe it was thoroughly enjoyed by all parties.

Her: When did you do that?

Me: Drunken night in university. I'm telling you, things just happen sometimes. Get wine, some Anthropology students (the liberal arts types are always looser), and you are guaranteed to see a little wild monkey-sex somewhere along the line.

Her: And everyone...um...touched...everyone?

Me: Well, the men stayed away from each other, since no man wants to Free Willy in a public arena, but all girls saw multiple action and touchage, if that’s what you mean. That’s kind of what makes it a group activity, you know. Otherwise it’s just a bunch of couples having sex in front of each other. Which is ok, but it's basically then like having someone perform a porno in your living room.

She looks away at that thought, and I see Fantasy #2, the alternate to group sex, building in her mind. The group even wasn't all rolling and moaning bodies, it was more civil. Ordered. People offering to play tag team and give a helping hand. Much handing off of batons. That sort of thing. It wasn't all writhing oiled bodies and screaming ecstasy, it was more like "Hi, my name is Bob, and I will be here to service your box tonight. Is this hole taken?" Very calm stuff.

Her: That’s my biggest fantasy. Hans only wants a threesome with me and another girl, but I want to have group sex. I am sure of it.

Gee. He wants a threesome with two hens to his one rooster? Really? Who would’ve guessed a guy wanted that? Weird.

With that, she downed another glass of wine. She was flushed, and I realized it was really something for her to confess her fantasy. She looked like she had just gotten validation for her sexual existence, and I saw some fights in her future as, boldly astride Hans in the safety of their bedroom, she brought up group sex. And would promptly start a fight.

I felt a bit like Dr. Ruth demonstrating how to use a vibrator. Thick German accent: "And then you take the penile attachment and place it here. Now girls, don't forget: clitoris, clitoris, clitoris! Never ignore your clitoris!" You know, sort of all-knowing and experienced. It was rewarding. Maybe talking about sex could be my new calling.

Oh wait. I already do that here....

Dr. Helen is open for confessionals now.

-H.

PS-always a funny man, he spanks his inner Dr. Ruth today.

Posted by Everydaystranger at October 9, 2003 10:44 PM | TrackBack