Back now in Stockholm, after catching a late flight from Heathrow to Arlanda. I crashed out in bed late, dozy with a sleeping tablet and desperately trying to stoke the fires in the house to try to beat off the chill that suctioned itself around my ankles.
When I was getting ready for my first interview on Wednesday with Dream Job, I was showering in Mr. Y's shower when I heard the refrain from Sarah McLachlan's song "Answer" in my head, so loud and clear that it was almost as though Sarah herself was standing behind me in the shower, singing in my ear and holding her wet hands on my hips.
It if takes my whole life I won't break I won't bend.
It'll all be worth it, worth it in the end.
And the entire train and tube ride in the London City center I had that song endlessly in my mind, reassuring me and calming me that what I was doing was the right thing.
The interview on Wednesday went off so well that Mr. Y drew an enormous bubble bath, complete with wine and candles, for the two of us and then treated me to a sumptuous curry dinner. We trucked back to his flat then full of food and comforted, and we sat on the couch watching TV, him gently touching my feet in the tickle-less way that only he can. In the morning, when he rose for work and kissed my forehead longingly, I rolled over into the ridge in the bed he had left behind and soaked up the sent of his warm body.
When I woke I called Kevin, the consultant that has been working on getting me Dream Job.
Me: Morning, Kevin. Any news?
Kevin: Helen my darling, you are a peach. They rang me the minute you left and told me that you must come back immediately for a second interview. They loved you.
This of course resulted in decible-piercing screeching on my end. I hastened off to the library where I posted my blog and then spent as much time as possible studying Dream Job's business aspects on the web. Thursday night was spent reviewing the mounds of info that I had, as well as ordering in a pizza and watching war documentaries with Mr. Y. More of Sarah's song popped up in my head.
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life.
Then Friday morning came. I was more nervous than before-it was decision day, and the job was between me and another man. I would be meeting with the same managers I met on Wednesday, as well as with an HR rep. This would be the day that I could make or break it.
And I couldn't remember the Sarah song. I knew I needed it in my head, I had to have it there to comfort and strengthen me. Mr. Y drove me to the train station, his heart and head full of good luck waves for me. I boarded the train for London...and remembered the verse of that song.
It if takes my whole life I won't break I won't bend.
It'll all be worth it, worth it in the end.
Relief.
I walked in the freezing London chill to the office, feeling very nervous and trying like hell to be strong. And once I entered the room with the management team, suddenly I was strong. I did feel I could do it. I was given a number of "How would you go about doing this" type of questions, which I only answered honestly and got the feedback from the management team that my responses were precisely what they were looking for.
Then came the technical exam. I had studied up on (let's call it) rubber-banded guinea pigs as much as possible the night before. After all, I had only worked in duct-taped hamsters, this was a whole new field.
Manager: Tell me, Helen-what do you know about the rodent field from 25 years ago?
Me: Sorry, not much. My interest in rodents only really began about 5 years ago, however I fully applied myself to learning as much about hamsters as possible.
Manager: So how do rubber-banded guinea pigs actually work?
Me: I have been studying over the last evening, and I believe that the general principles are this (and I explained what I thought).
Manager: So do you think we should have black or brown ones?
Me: It depends on your network. Obviously, I don't know your network info as it's not public info, but I would say this (and I gave him my opionion).
And the technical questions kept coming, and I felt overwhelmed and very stupid after a while. I told them from the beginning I knew only hamsters, which was something they wanted as they lacked hamster knowledge in this organization. These were guinea pigs, and I began to curse myself.
When I left, I felt horrible, as though I had blown it. As the tiny snowflakes fell and I trooped back to the Tube stop, I felt indescribably low and lost. I took the train and was met by Mr. Y, who took me out to lunch and then for a long coffee chatting session at Starbucks. Then (since he was going to the airport as well), he took me to Heathrow.
On the way, my phone rang. It was Kevin.
Kevin: Helen my darling, I have just spoken to the management team at Dream Job. They have been busy all day interviewing candidates, this was the only few seconds that they had. (Dream Job was also trying to fill another position for rabbits, which I was not a candidate for and not interested in).
Me: OK...and?
Kevin: They only had a second, but they wanted to tell me that you had done very well, and that HR would be in touch with me on Monday.
Me: So, what does that mean?
Kevin: Well I don't want to get your hopes up, but HR almost always only gets in touch if they are going to offer a job.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: And what about the other guy?
Kevin: Well, that's the interesting thing. The other guy that was your only competition is also handled by this recruiting firm. And Dream Job called this morning and cancelled him. You were the only one they saw. But they will be in touch with me Monday, and I swear I will call you the second they do.
My spirits rose substantially, and I almost dare to hope now that this will happen. I have re-doubled my citizenship efforts, and I almost let myself dream that this may happen.
And as I flew back to Stockholm, I was treated to a sizzling blue show of the Northern Lights outside the plane window. The sky looked as though a chiffon scarf of aquamarine had been dropped on an inky black table, a plae and hazy ribbon of sparkles. And as I looked at it, my heart beginning to be full of hope, the rest of Sarah's song came to me.
It if takes my whole life I won't break I won't bend.
It'll all be worth it, worth it in the end.
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life.
When the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright.
I am now waiting to hear about Monday. I am waiting for citizenship. And tonight Partner Unit comes home, and we have some talking to do.
-H.
Posted by Everydaystranger at January 17, 2004 11:48 AM | TrackBackHelen, i am so happyfor you! You are so close! I am also ever so slightly jealous!
cant wait to hear more!
Abs x
Is it a faux pas to post essentially the same thing twice in the comments for a single post? Ah, screw it.
Good Luck, H. I've done my part (it was absolutely horrible trying to force those poor children to eat all of those M&M's *yeah, right* but it has been done), now it's up to Dream Job Company to do theirs.
Posted by: Jim at January 19, 2004 10:43 AMThis is just too exciting. Everything cross-able is crossed for you, hoping it all comes together. Much like you two in that disabled toilet.
Posted by: Simon at January 19, 2004 08:57 AMGet ready, my dear girl, because THIS is the upswing you have so dearly paid for.
Hang on, it's going to be a heady ride!!
I'm so happy for you, honey. I just KNOW you have it. (I always KNEW you had "it," I meant the job. Heh.)
Lurve,
M
damn thats great, i'm sure you'll get it. Myself, i start my new job on the 26th. I am leaving company X and starting at a software company.
Posted by: pylorns at January 19, 2004 04:35 AMAnd yes, my dearies, the airport toilet really happened.
And yes-I too feel conflicted, my dear Gudy :)
Posted by: Helen at January 18, 2004 10:04 PMI'm keeping absolutely everything crossed for you on Monday!
Great entry, and just when I thought there would be no mention of sex with Mr. Y (which I feel somewhat conflicted about, I admit) there's the airport toilet... ;-)
Posted by: Gudy at January 18, 2004 08:34 PMthat was an awesome entry... I am so excited for you, about monday!
well... and the rest, the bed, the airport, the northern lights... :)
HOORAY!!!
What a wonderful little trip to england you had! Sending soooooo many good vibes your way! Best of luck on Monday!!!
Also, that was hot.
Helen,
Sounds like everything is falling into place, I wish only the best for you!
Oh Helen...I hope everything falls into place. I've hoped for that for a long time.
Posted by: Rob at January 18, 2004 03:09 AM*hugs* You rock!
Posted by: Courtney at January 18, 2004 01:30 AMMy fingers are toes are crossed for you, Helen. I know you have the job, no doubt in my mind. Remember, I predicted this (-:
And I hope Luuk reappears sometime soon- so eventually we get our turn with him - I want him to meet Leo, my lion.
Posted by: Beth at January 18, 2004 12:09 AMHelen, I love you. Because you let me into your life, because of your writing, and because in you pursuit for happiness your trying not to step on someones feelings. PU loves you in some way, and in some way you love him I´m sure. Was the airport bend over thing true, not your imagination? I´m so jealous... lol. Get it all!!! Miguel.
Posted by: msd at January 17, 2004 11:34 PMno doubts here...you've got the job. congrats.
Posted by: ozone ferd at January 17, 2004 10:17 PMHeres to hoping the call on monday is good and hears to you coming clean with partner unit so you both can move on to new chapters
Posted by: Drew at January 17, 2004 09:53 PM
Whatever will be, will be. Takecare and Godbless.
Fingers crossed, toes are too, waiting for monday, just like you =)
Ok, its dumb, I know, but had to say it...
Its funny, I have a dear friend who used to date quite heavily, we came to use the name Rick as a label for all the insensitive drips she would end up going out with. When she was seeing them, it was whatever given name they had, as soon as their true color showed, and she dumped them, it was Rick from there on out. Kinda fits here too aparently...
Best of luck Helen, on all fronts.
Ah, is Effigy anywhere near Estonia? =)
Dane
Posted by: Dane at January 17, 2004 06:59 PMHere's hoping you get the job and things work out for you.
I've been in a marriage where the husband is an ass & ignores you - the temptation for an affair is very high when you can't get through to your partner. I'm sorry. I hope you find happiness.
Posted by: cyberangel at January 17, 2004 06:06 PMFucking awesome!!! (pardon my Belgian)
Just in case the sacrificial M&M mojo was a deciding factor, I'm going to get another bag and enlist the family's help in another dark ceremony Sunday eve.
Oh, and this:
it was almost as though Sarah herself was standing behind me in the shower, singing in my ear and holding her wet hands on my hips.
You wouldn't believe how many times I've had the same thoughts. But that's mostly due to my oversexed and unnaturally active imagination. ;-)
Posted by: Jim at January 17, 2004 05:35 PMI see.
I officially offer myself as the next Luuk, if it has to come to that.
Posted by: Dictator Meg III (!!!) at January 17, 2004 04:55 PMI have sent two mails to Jean, with no response.
Thus I can only assume it is one of the following options:
1) Jean and Luuk have eloped and are holed up in a romantic cabin hideaway
2) Jean has decided she hates me and burned Luuk in effigy
3) Something bad has happened to Jean (and/or Luuk)
4) Jean is trapped under something heavy and cannot get to her PC
I sincerely hope it is neither 3 or 4, since those are the most destructive. Jean the Saviour has been AWOL for almost a month now. If we don't hear from her soon...well, we may need to get another Luuk.
Posted by: Helen at January 17, 2004 04:43 PM1) I'm so glad that things are looking up. My everything remains crossed for you. xx
2) Where is Luuk?
3) Again, pleased things are going well.
4) But really, where is Luuk?
wee! what exciting news! i'm so happy for you helen. i'm waiting not so patiently for monday. ;-)
Posted by: kat at January 17, 2004 04:30 PMThanks Tom, Pam and Annie-I promise more updates as things progress!
And one more thing...although I finally feel as though there is light at the end of the tunnel, and hope back in my future, it doesn't mean I don't feel completely broken up for hurting people in my life.
Because I do.
Posted by: Helen at January 17, 2004 04:16 PMYour post completely captivated me. I had to fight the impulse to skip to the end to see if you got the job but I didn’t want to miss one single word in between. Good luck Helen!
Posted by: Annie at January 17, 2004 04:02 PMWhen you get Dream Job and life falls into place you should really have your blog made into a small book. I'd buy it!! :)
Still praying for you!
Posted by: pam at January 17, 2004 03:58 PMGood Luck Helen. I just recently got my dream job. It enabled me to move to where I wanted to be, and work in the field I wanted to. It was tough sweating it out and waiting, but in the end, the relief was overwhelming.
Good luck!!
Posted by: Tom at January 17, 2004 03:42 PMSuz-that means I am pulling for you, too. Big time!
Rick-maybe if the roles were completely reversed and the wife had a very scary temper and the inability to see anything other than their own way of doing things, maybe then you would condone it. To each his/her own.
Posted by: Helen at January 17, 2004 03:36 PMWooHoo! I'm so happy for you!
Posted by: amber at January 17, 2004 03:20 PMFrankly, the support you're getting while you're having an affair and screwing someone other than your husband is surprising. I can't say I've ever seen a man getting the same response for stepping out on his wife.
Posted by: Rick at January 17, 2004 03:18 PMFingers crossed about Monday and the decision from Dream Job!
Posted by: Gareth at January 17, 2004 02:52 PMHelen,
I am so very pleased that things are looking up. I read your blog daily altho I comment infrequently. Your life at the moment is nearly paralleling mine - I have the most wonderful and amazing man in my life - which is so new and so refreshing that it brings tears to my eyes and so much hope to my heart. I have recently split with my own PU and my job situation (although I have one) is dismal.
I am praying for you, each and every day, to make this new and improved life happen for yourself. My only concern for you at the moment is that you get as far away from PU as you possibly can. That situation frankly scares the hell out of me.
Just know that you are loved by all of us and we are thinking of you.
Suzanne
Posted by: Suz~ at January 17, 2004 02:23 PMcongrat's.
Posted by: jim at January 17, 2004 01:55 PMI love the way you write Helen, oh and what you write isn't bad either :)
...and my fingers are crossed for you, roll on monday!