Thanks to all of those that posted nice comments-I read them all several times and am happy to report that I have indeed dragged my ass out of bed...for now...and will attempt to lay off the slosh tonight. Mr. Y intervened again, and found out that if my recruiter faxed the UK government board about my impending Dream Job it may (emphasis on the may) speed up the application. This has been done, but I have no idea on if it will work or not. And I can't ask Dream Job, since they were clear that they cannot sponsor these visas-in fact, in other divisions they are laying off. The lawyer I also can't do, since if I wanted them to deal with my app, they would've already have had to sponsor it.
Unbelievable-I have survived so much in my life (and have the brownie patches to prove it, thank you), but losing my job is the one hitting me the hardest. Anyway, visa fuck-wittage aside for now (else I will grab another bottle of booze and go back to bed).
In the Spring of 1998 I was living in Dallas and working for a financial services company. I was required to take all of these SEC exams and get certifications so that I could work as a stock broker. The office was full of young 20-somethings all busting their ass all day on the phones to provide support.
I fucking hated it.
That, and I was up to my ass in debt, Kim and I had broken up, I was drinking like a fish, and life basically sucked a clown's ass on every possible level.
So I did what all others who are at the end of their chain do.
I went to a psychic. I know, I know...what's the point? But lemme' tell you, when no matter how many times you turn around you can't see daylight, you really don't have anything to lose. It's like believing in God so that you can hedge your bets, I guess.
I went to an apartment complex to see her. The apartments were dark and imposing, and old in their design, style, and residents. I stepped out of my car thinking that this was a terrible mistake. How could I have trusted someone in this situation? Surely she was a cackling old lady, plotting what to do with the money she scammed off of stupid people like me, who trusted their fate to a stranger. Well, not really trusted their fate. More like needed some good news to get out of a funk. After all, how many people go to a psychic because things are going so great? That’s like asking fate to swing an axe and end the good times, having your boyfriend ditch you, your house to burn down, your car to crash, or any other assortment of ailments that you might find in country music.
I mounted the steps to her apartment, and was met by an older, grandmotherly woman and her blind sheepdog. She was charming and sweet, plump with a pert blond bob, and her house smelled of ginger and orange blossoms. A candle, burning in the middle of the table, seemed to be the only acknowledgement on her behalf of her ability, and we sat down into easy conversation.
For while everything she told me about my job, my travels, and my location were true, she was wrong about the man that I would be with forever. The truth is, I met the man she wanted me to be with. And in meeting him, I met the man that I would rather spend my life, my time, and my heart with. Do you suppose this was deliberate romantic sabotage? Divine intervention stepping in to see how much control I really have over my own destiny? Will I ever have these answers?
A soft popping noise happened occasionally, as the dog ran into a piece of furniture and then sniffed indignantly. Little blind dog, keeping it real for me.
She told me that I would be taking a new job within 3 months, and that I would move away within a year to a new location. She said that the men I was dating at the time were of no consequence…none of them were the ones that I was to be with, but that “he” was coming. I would meet "Him" through another man, but when I met him then I would know.
She told me that I would meet this intermediary man before Christmas 1998. That I would be at a place where people dressed a certain way, a place that required I buy a ticket. The ceiling was full of lights, and it was cold there. She said that he would see me, and wouldn’t let me leave without getting my phone number. Then she said it would be a very short time before the He I was looking for would be together…forever. And to be on the lookout for "Him", with his amazing blue eyes.
She also said that I would be moving to a country that started with an "Sw". Switzerland was her guess, since she saw it as being so cold. That I would work very hard, and would meet "Him" there. That we would have two children-a little girl, wonderfully talented and in the arts, and a little boy, quieter and with a heart problem as a youngster that would be no problem when he was an adult.
Pop went the dog again as it concussed itself in the bedroom.
She told me that I would live close to the sea, and that no matter what career path I chose, it was writing that would make a difference. Be a writer, she urged me. That's how you will make a difference.
Finally she told me that she could see a bit of my other lives, my previous lives before this one. She told me that I was a very, very old soul who had, for the most part, had very, very sad and short lives.
Ah. Now there's something to live for.
She told me that I had my first life in ancient Egypt as a slave, but died around the age 14 in an accident. The other life that stood out prominently was when I was a baker's wife in 1700's France. I was fat, my husband was fat, we had two fat children, but apparently we had a lot of laughs, or at least we did up until I dropped dead of a heart-attack in my mid-30's.
And she smiled at me as the dog ran into the table in the dining room and told me that this would be my last life. All the lives I have lived up until now would become part of my collective conscious when I passed away, and since I was a very old soul, I would finally be allowed to rest.
I left there feeling conflicted. This was my last life? Strange that I am so self-destructive and self-abusive. You would think a part of me would know this is my last life, and at least save up interesting stories to tell my poker buddies when I get to wherever I am going.
I drove away from her place, and I could actually never find those apartments again, nor could I find the piece of paper with her phone number. I don't know if this is due to some divine intervention or the fact that I am fucking useless with directions and organization, but there you have it. I don't even remember her name.
How did her predictions pan out?
Two months after seeing her, I left the financial services company and took an abrupt career change to where I am today-telecom. A chance comment from someone brought me into that realm, offering me a job change, a massive pay rise, travel, and I haven't looked back since.
On December 2, 1998, I was away from home on a business trip. I went to a professional hockey game in Raleigh, North Carolina, with lights and the jumbotron hanging from the ceiling. I wore my Dallas Stars jersey, and from several sections away, I noticed a man staring at me. After the game, he leapt over several sections to speak to me. He didn’t let me leave without getting my phone number.
I extended my business trip to see him more. Three months later, I moved away from my home, family and friends in Dallas to start a new job...with Company X.
I dumped that guy in April, 1999. I started dating the man who became my Partner Unit (now ex) later that year, but not before my lovely Y (with his lovely blue eyes) was in my life. I moved to Sweden in November 1999.
And the rest? I don't live by the sea, and I don't have children. I don't currently actually have a job, so I have no idea if writing is what I should be doing or just something I really enjoy fucking around with.
I don't live by what she said as doctrine, but that one day in those apartments, I found someone who gave me hope. Hope that was much needed, as is the need for it today.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go read a book for a while. You know-it's my last life and all. I'll want to come across as being smart, wherever I go.
-H.
Easy-you're banned! How dare you root for the Blues? (Just kidding...I am nothing if not forgiving to those who do not bow down in allegiance to my beloved Stars...I will convert thee, dearest). And cool that I replace Dana or Helen (I loved Dana in "China Beach". Loved that show).
Joey-I've missed you!
Vikki-thanks for the compliment, but I swear Carrie (Candace) is way more sexy and interesting than I am. But thanks! :)
Posted by: Helen at February 14, 2004 10:35 AM"No fate but what we make."
And I firmly believe in that. That doesn't mean that I don't also believe that there are people out there who can enlighten us as to what we, ourselves, on another level perhaps, have preordained for ourselves. To add to the complexity, I also believe in a Higher Power (name Him/Her/It what you will).
Saying all that to say: You control your destiny, luv. Even if your only goal, on some level or another, is to learn something from this go 'round. There is a reason for everything you experience. A reason (or so I believe) you yourself have decided.
Enough metaphysicality (is that a word?) for one post.
As a post-script: Know that even though I haven't been commenting regularly lately (like your other thousands of devoted readers), that I am keeping an eye on you through your blog, rooting for you, and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers (for whatever good it does).
Posted by: Joey at February 14, 2004 09:07 AMI had a reading in Atlantic City once. It was a signature reading and I was around 13 or 14. She told me that I'd be married with twins by the time I was 21. Boy did she miss that by a mile. 29 at marriage, no twins and the sugical guarantee that there won't be any.
She was right that I'd leave home early, depending on how you interpret that. I left my Mom's household when I was 14 and went to my Dad's. Had a problem or two with my step-dad that could only be resolved to my satisfaction by leaving.
Overall I'd have to say my 'medium' was more of a '5T'. ;-)
Posted by: Jim at February 14, 2004 06:05 AMI have had a few readings done. There was one in a bar where the girl read my palm. She predicted a long life for me, and 2 kids (both boys). She told me some things that had happened to me in the past, and nailed them. But she was wrong about the kids. They're both girls.
However, there is something to that stuff. My wife is a massage therapist, and one night we were in bed reading, and she started laughing hysterically at the book she was reading. It was about Raki massage, and she was laughing at the notion of massaging an aura. She thought the notion was a pile of crap.
Now she's certified to do Raki, and is always commenting on changes in my aura. Go figure.
Michael Crichton has written an excellent book about this stuff. It's called Travels, and I recommend it highly.
I also agree with a previous poster. I am new to this whole blog scene, and I hope that at some point my writing is half as good as yours.
Can I also say that I have fallen head over heels in love with you? Except for that Dallas Stars stuff--Hull's skate was in the crease!!! Other than that, you are fabulous. Not in any kind of weird stalker kind of way, but you're going to be on my allowed list now. I haven't decided who's place you're taking. Probably either Dana Delany or Helen Hunt.
I hope that you find happiness, and that you realize that the St Louis Blues are really the best team ;-)
Posted by: Easy at February 14, 2004 01:58 AMThe psychic thing is funny, isn't it? It's not exactly something you can run telling everyone about without encountering a lot of skepticism, but boy, when they're on their game they're on.
I've been to some bad ones and some ripoff artists, including one woman who claimed to be reading my Tarot, not knowing that I read Tarot myself and therefore could tell that she was basically pulling her "impressions" straight outta her ass and not from the cards themselves. I saw another one who seemed to know a few things, but on the other hand was adamant that my mission in life should be to become a flight attendant! Me, the absolute worst waitress in the world? Oh, no thank you!
The best one I saw wouldn't read for men. She was very clear on that point. If I saw her, I couldn't bring any men with me into her home. Fine, no problem--particularly as it was trouble with men that brought me to her in the first place. She read coffee grounds; she'd serve you a little demitasse cup of Turkish coffee and you know how you can't drink the last bit because it's all sludge? When you got to the last of it, you were to turn the cup over. Then, she'd read the pattern left on the inner surface of the cup.
I don't think she got quite everything right either, but most of it was accurate. Kind of like yours with her "Sw" thing, she'd refer to people and places by initials.
And she scolded! Boy, if she didn't like what she saw about what you were doing . . . "How can you be doing this? A girl like you, it isn't right! You must stop that!"
I don't have her number anymore. I suppose it's just as well. Still, I feel sorry for people who've never been to one, who're convinced it's "all crap" without trying it. Even when they're wrong, it can be kind of educational.
As for "last life," feh. For all any of us know this life is always the "last life." Could be right, could be wrong, but seeing as how one life seems to cause me trouble enough, I wouldn't worry about it if it were me.
Posted by: ilyka at February 14, 2004 12:47 AMBy the way, the only thing my post has to do with your story is someone in this thread mentioned the word aura. : )
Posted by: Tee at February 13, 2004 10:54 PMI went to a hypnotherapyst at one time to rid myself of a phobia of public speaking. It didn't work. I was never really "under" during the hypnosis. In fact, I spent most of the session trying not to laugh out loud becuase the therapist was so nice, albeit full of shit.
Anyway, when she brought me out of my trance (which I never was really under), her eyes were wet like she had been crying. She told me that she hadn't been crying, but that she could see my aura and it was so bright it hurt her eyes. In fact, it was supposedly bright red, meaning I was very angry, which happened to be true. I was a very angry person at that point.
I retained my fear of public speaking until I tried a mixture of prescription drugs. Better living through chemistry, I always say. Not only did I retain the phobia, but now everytime I hear a bell I turn into a chicken (nyuk nyuk).
I do have an interesting (and true) story about my aura though that I might share one day.
Posted by: Tee at February 13, 2004 10:52 PMYou could be the next Carrie Bradshaw...you write very well. You have a gift. Takecare and Godbless.
Posted by: Vikkicar at February 13, 2004 07:45 PMMe and my bad english... when I started reading, I tough you were talking about a psychiatrist. LOL. Never went to a psychic, and never will. Sorry, but to me its all rubish. Love from here, Miguel.
Posted by: msd at February 13, 2004 07:01 PMIn the spirit of morale-building...
Emily@idontthink turned her readers onto these guys. Here's a little pick-me-up:
http://www.bishopallen.com/MP3s/CharmSchool/ThingsAreWhatYouMakeOfThem.mp3
Posted by: Paul at February 13, 2004 05:39 PMKat's right; you should be working on other stuff. If life hands you a lemon, make lemonade. I know, I know, it's an old cliche ... but it's right! Life has handed you paid time off, write a novel.
You could have it or some short stories done by the time dream job comes around. Then you can tell everyone you've already written your first book :)
Posted by: Solomon at February 13, 2004 05:07 PMDespite being steeped in Lutheranism (if that's even a word) since I was very young I've always felt like this was not my first time here. Being born in a hospital a stone's throw from Pearl Harbor always had me wondering if one of lads from December 7th got a 2nd chance at a new "sleeve" as I came rolling off, er out of, the assembly line.
It's refreshing to hear "my first life in ancient Egypt as a slave". That's so much more plausible than all those people who claim they were Napoleon or Joan of Arc!
Uh, little flame... my daughter is quite the artist, my son was born with extended QT which has since passed, and I have blue eyes. I'm just saying.
Have a lovely weekend.
Posted by: Paul at February 13, 2004 05:03 PMHmm, spooky. But allow me to be something of a spoilsport sceptic here.
Having had my fair share of premonitions and deja vues as well as a sufficient number of near-accidents to stress out a capable guardian angel, I'm not ready to discount the existence of real psychics out of hand. After all, some of her predictions were rather specific as well as eerily accurate.
But then, some of them are rather vague as well (what's close to the sea?), and some of the specific predictions, like the one about your children, are as yet unfulfilled with little chance of change. So we are really dealing with a mixed bag here which means I'd classify her as a Ms. Trelawney - some talent and a fair share of laying it on.
And there's one other thing: the human mind is a funny thing - especially the subconscious part. I believe that those self-fulfilling prophecies are far more frequent than most people think.
One thing more: she was right about your writing: after all you were to make a difference, not your living, with writing. And the comments here amply testify to that.
Posted by: Gudy at February 13, 2004 05:00 PMWriting *has* to be your true calling-because you're so damn good at it! Though I just came across this site a few weeks ago, you've quickly become my favorite blogger simply because your writing is so elegant and interesting and GOOD! Keep it up!
Posted by: Dave at February 13, 2004 04:42 PMhmm, that's interesting. i've always wanted to see sonia choquette if i ever went to a psychic.
i did go to a "medical intuitive" person once. boy, was that weird. i think she's an alien. but she did say that i would go to london three times in my life. haven't been there yet!
your writing here does make a difference. keep it up. keep working on your other projects. everything will work out.
Posted by: kat at February 13, 2004 04:37 PMI've only had two readings, both 'fun' things. I wasn't searching for anything, they just happened because I was out with friends.
First time my best friend and I were sitting in a bar and a lady came over and offered to do readings - we both had one, but I never remembered what she said except the fact that I had psychic powers. A month later we were back in that bar and asked about her. They said she had passed from cancer and it had been very sudden. I always wondered if she had predicted her own demise? Is that horrible? :/
The 2nd reading was in a mall. Just walking through, there it was, and my stepdaughter wanted a reading. I don't remember anything about that one, either, except she also stated that I had psychic powers.
They were both general, unremarkable, both what I would consider textbook, because I think everyone has psychic power. Some just don't utilize it as much as they could. Besides, that's pretty much standard stuff, isn't it?
I think it's amazing that you remember what she said! I also think that you're a writer. It's possible to do - or be - more than one thing, you know. ;)
Posted by: pam at February 13, 2004 04:30 PMI've always wanted to go to someone that could tell me about (my) past lives, I'm not so concerned about the future, but the past is fascinating.
Maybe those things she told you just haven't happened yet. Something to look forward to.
Posted by: Kandy at February 13, 2004 04:11 PMReminds me of the movie "What Dreams May Come" with Robin Williams, Cuba Gooding Jr., Annabella she's-so-hot Sciorra, ...
Posted by: Roger at February 13, 2004 04:08 PM"That's how you will make a difference."
Um, not to point out the obvious here, but you've already started doing that. I don't think blogging is your first and last stop as a 'making a difference' writer, but there is no doubt that it's part of the ride. You affect people everyday. You make a difference to someone often, they've said it countless times in comments, and in several hundred different ways. You resonate on an intimate and personal level, simply because you open yourself up and let an entire world of faceless people in. So you have the power to make a difference for them.
I know I've come here before and just been nailed to my chair because you've hit it, y'know. You've touched the right nerve, and said something I needed to say but couldn't.
So yeah, it's not something you just like to fuck around with.. Because I don't see how you could acquire such a fat group of fans and e-mates by 'fucking around'.
Oh, and I have a creepy almost-relevant story:
Once I was in a shopping thing near the beach, and this unnaturally-young-looking woman came up to me and spoke in a hoarse voice that didn't really work well with her appearance- said 'hi' and smiled.. Then she grabbed my hand and held it for something like 4 seconds, and abruptly just said, "You're purple. It surrounds and protects you. A protective aura." Then she walked away.
Odd.
Posted by: Meg at February 13, 2004 03:57 PMGood choice Amynah. I believe a very small handful of psychics are genuine and stay as far away from them as I can. The less I know about the future the better.
Two controllable things can rob us of enjoying the here and now: focusing on the future and focusing on the past. Both have their place but should be very limited. The present can be exceedingly enjoyable even if it's no bed of roses.
When I was laid off 3 years ago, I worried a little about the future but enjoyed greatly the time I got to spend with my family.
I'm not saying we shouldn't plan for the future or hope for a better future, but our primary focus should be on making the present the best it can be.
Posted by: Solomon at February 13, 2004 03:55 PMMy last experience with a Palm Reader was very disturbing. I am at the verge of getting married and I go along with a friend of mine to the Palm Reader. The first thing she tells me is that I will be married 3 times, and my first husband will DIE while I am still in child bearing age because I will have two more kids with my second husband. She assured me I will never be divorced and that my first two husbands will DIE on me. Now I ask you, how can you fall in love and plan on spending your life with someone when you know they'll DIE before you?
I choose to not believe her ;)
Posted by: Amynah at February 13, 2004 03:51 PMI've been told that I'm an old soul too and I believe it. It's something you can feel. And I think it's something you can see in others. The psychic missed here and there - maybe she was wrong about this being your last life. And perhaps the kids and the sea are part of your next life. The writing, however, is definitely part of this life. Regardless of what happens with Dream Job, pursue your writing H. You have the gift for it...
Posted by: Clancy at February 13, 2004 03:05 PMTotally interesting. Every psychic my friends or I have been to have always been off about the things way into the future.
I'm sending good thoughts your way.
Posted by: Becki at February 13, 2004 02:39 PMOoh, presents!
Thank you Larry, I look forward to my mailbox everyday until (shrug) Amazon deems me worthy! :)
Posted by: Helen at February 13, 2004 11:03 AMOh Helen....
One of your favorites hit a soft spot of mine.. expect a package.. someday.. ::shrug:: (depends on amazon) there is an 'extra' in there.. if you don't like it please donate it to a library rather then toss it. I thought you would like it..
Posted by: LarryConley at February 13, 2004 10:15 AM>
Compaired to Texas you are pretty darn closer to a 'sea'
>
You have teddy bears.. the psychic never said they would be YOUR children :)
>
I am friends with a number of professional Authors (science fiction and fantasy and romance). Once you start to write.. its not about the money.. its about writing.. I think you qualify.
Bright blessings and all good luck.
Posted by: LarryC onley at February 13, 2004 10:04 AMDefinitely spooky.
Posted by: Sue at February 13, 2004 09:58 AMSpooky, but really quite neat!...and I reckon you can forgive her for getting a few far in the future things mixed up a bit?
Posted by: nisi at February 13, 2004 09:39 AM