I survived.
And not only that, but I have to be honest-I had fun.
I take the train to Ascot, carrying my clothes in a brown paper Habitat bag since we were having lunch at a golf club first, so I could change there. The train was actually headed into London, but judging by the big hats and the men's "morning suits" (kind of a strange combination between a tux and what you expect Prince Charles to wear) and top hats, and I knew I was on the right train.
When we got there, my Habitat bag and I made for a taxi and got to the golf club, passing the Ascot High Street and the Royal Meeting, which looked adorned with shops to the likes of Prada and Gucci. Oh yeah. I am not going to fit in here. Women teetered on wobbly stilletos, their bodies cinched up tightly in brightly colored dresses, their hats battended down on their head and wraps travelling over the length of their arms.
After a long conversation with my Pakistani taxi driver (for some reason, I always get chatty taxi drivers that wind up telling me about their life. I certainly don't mind this, only I was feeling a bit stressed then) I get to the golf course and change clothes. The sun was out, the weather was hot, and I was in love with the heat I felt on my shoulders and back.
And I have to tell you-I felt fabulous in The Dress.
My friends: The Dress. This is me standing in front of the glass enclosure, which held the Royal Family for their view of the races.
And here are two more of me in The Hat.
We got to the Royal Meeting-about 10 Dream Job employees in all (including my manager and his fiancee, and I like both of them very much so that helped) were accompanied by 4 Company X people. The Company X people were nice albeit hungover (they had attended the Royal Meeting the day before, as well) and they were quick to make sure that the champagne glasses were always full.
I did not object.
Walking in was amazing-we were given a little tag for our clothes to allow us into the boxes, and we settled in. There were 6 races in all, and we would get the chance to watch and bet on all of them. I bet on horse's names that I liked-in the first race I bet on a horse called "Psychiatrist" simply because I thought it was meant to be, and in the second race I placed money on an American horse called "Soldera", since that seemed nice and patriotic to me.
Both lost.
My horse in the third race won, which made me happy. I didn't bet big money, only 2 pounds per horse, but it was nice getting money when my boy won. In case you were in the stands, that was me on my feet yelling "OutgoddamnSTANDING!" when the horse placed.
You can take the girl out of the U.S., but you can't take the U.S. out of the girl.
I collected my 9 pounds winning.
Which I promptly lost in the next race.
Peter, the main Company X contact I work with, took me down to the Paddock area, which is the grass green just in front of the race track, between the Queen's viewing area and the track. It was amazing-all the men in morning suits and all the women in hats. It was like I woke up in Pygmalion, I couldn't believe it.
We were walking around, and then a security guard-also dressed in a morning suit-came up to me.
"Excuse me madame, but you cannot drink the champagne here." he said brusquely.
"I'm sorry?" I asked. "I'm right next to the bar."
"Yes madame I know, but Prince Charles is about to exit here, and you cannot drink in front of him."
Well by God! I gulped down the glass, threw it away, and lo and behold out comes Prince Charles 6 feet in front of me, gets into his car, gives us a wave, and leaves.
Blimey.
The (possible) future King of England just drove by me, and apparently I am not allowed to drink in front of him.
Don't believe me? Check out the driver here:
We watched the next race by the race track (with Peter nervously warning me that I would not be popular for yelling obscenities if my horse won or lost, that this was the "polite clapping section" only), and I dutifully politely clapped when my horse came in 12th.
Peter and I talked amiably-he shared about his marriage woes and I shared that I am happy now that I am employed again, and we walked back to the stands. Sasoozie was right in the previous comments-the wealthy patrons were already falling down drunk, oozing Chanel number 5 and with pricey sports sunglasses. And there I was, a plain Jane, simply buzzing on the nice champagne.
The day ended soon enough-after the last race, we were due to go to dinner but I bunked out of it since I really wanted to go home and share my day with Mr. Y (who was not in the best of moods from work and from me asking too many repetitive questions, and I think I failed to cheer him up). The group was due to go to the grandstand with the rest of the Royal Meeting and sing songs like "Rule Britannia", "Land of Hope and Glory" and "God Save the Queen". Since the tune of "God Save the Queen" is, to me, "My Country Tis of Thee", I didn't really think singing was my kind of thing.
I left and headed back to the trains, feeling a bit drunk and a bit happy. When I changed trains in Reading, people stopped and stared at me as I walked down the platform in The Dress and The Hat, and nodded to each other.
"Ascot." they said to each other,
Ascot indeed. I survived. Not sure if my career is made or broken, but I survived. As to my adventure, I have a beautiful dress to show for it. I proved that this little white American girl who spent most of her early life in Air Force housing and other parts of her life in poverty can clean up pretty and appear to be a complete lady (except when my horse wins). And above all, I have seen something that I never in my wildest dreams thought I would do, so all in all I am very pleased that I went.
And I only lost 20 pounds in betting, so that can't be too bad.
-H.
Posted by Everydaystranger at June 17, 2004 08:46 AM | TrackBackhi,
This comment is for an old post. But what can i do... your pic in the hat reminded me of somebody and i couldn't figure out who. It just struck me... you looked like Neve Campbell (especially with the smile) from "Three to Tango", one of my favorite movies :-) Albeit a little plumpish ;-p
Oh, I love your posts... though i hope u're real. A friend of mine used to regularly read "Plain Lane", and supposedly she was a hoax!! She's vamoosed into thin air suddenly.
Anyway, i hope u keep blogging... and doing well in whatever u do.
I saw a picture of Elizabeth Hurley in the paper today, leaving Ascot. She had on a big hat, just like you, but she didn't look any more beautiful.
Posted by: the girl at June 18, 2004 08:58 PMyou looked great! and i'm happy you had such a good time. i'm sure the thing about charles' diary must be absolutely true.
Posted by: kim at June 18, 2004 10:41 AMCan't really add much except: Gorgeous.
Exactly like you had described the dress the day before yesterday.
Be happy, girl. Guilt-free and blissful.
I am supremely jealous. I want to go to the races and wear a big hat and drink champagne, instead of going to the races here in jeans and a t-shirt, and drinking beer.
You looked great. And I shall start saying "OUTgoddamnSTANDING" at every opportunity now.
Posted by: Tamarina at June 18, 2004 06:27 AMThat hat and dress are you!!!! You fit in perfectly and looked just as if you should be there! Go you american girl you!
Posted by: cheryl at June 18, 2004 04:28 AMThat hat and dress are you!!!! You fit in perfectly and looked just as if you should be there! Go you american girl you!
Posted by: cheryl at June 18, 2004 04:28 AMmy god you look gorgeous! i couldn't take in a word because i kept thinking about your pictures. i'll have to come back. *muah*
Posted by: kat at June 18, 2004 02:41 AMHelen...that 2nd photo of you is my all time favorite photo out of all the photos of you. I LOVE it! I'm going to keep it.
And you were right...your shoulders did indeed look good in that dress. All that working out paid off m'dear.
And finally...I couldn't help but notice where many of the eyes were trained in that photo of Prince Charles in the car...it appears that some of those eyes are on the photographer and not on the car. Did you take that photo?
Oh...and yesterday I looked up Ascot and found a crap load of CRAZY hats! YIKES the things people will wear, but you looked classy.
Good on ya dear.
Posted by: Serenity at June 18, 2004 01:32 AMYou looked beautiful and I loved, loved , loved the hat!
Posted by: Sue at June 17, 2004 06:44 PM... and now for something completely different, that I suspect hasn’t come to your attention: have you checked your "beloved" Plain Layne? I would really like to hear your view on the subject... Miguel.
Posted by: msd at June 17, 2004 06:29 PMgamblers anonymous has your name...
Posted by: pylorns at June 17, 2004 06:02 PMBeautiful hat. Beautiful dress. Beautiful girl.
And don't those stodgy Brits rob you of your American birthright: obnoxious, profanity-laced cheering at any and all sporting events! :)
Posted by: kara at June 17, 2004 05:38 PMFanfuckingtabulous! I must say, you blend in with the posh crowd quite well there, well maybe not blend so much as hover slightly above =)
Nice ride indeed, Aston Martin virage... *deep sigh* You would think being the Prince and all he could afford the current model. At least it looks like he is driving himself, gets my vote... oh wait, he doesn't need votes, huh? heh
Glad you had fun!
Posted by: Dane at June 17, 2004 05:27 PMgorgeous absolutely gorgeous.
actually make that one million dollars hat gorgeous, especially in Hat picture one.
Good on you!
Posted by: stinkerbell at June 17, 2004 05:24 PMYou look beautiful, honey. And relaxed, which is even better. It's a very, very good dress.
Posted by: Kaetchen at June 17, 2004 04:56 PMYou look beautiful, Helen. Really. And, although I might be reading too much into it, you look happy. It's a great sight. And long overdue.
You're going to make Jim and Simon really jealous, though, if you keep posting pictures. Jim is already deteriorating: he's taking blog advantage of a poor youth who only wants to give his father a nice car. Obviously a reaction to his realization, brought on by you posting happy pictures, that he's never going to live out his fantasy and marry you.
Or did I just engage in a little tranferrence?
PS. And I feel less of a human being for saying that his "pimp my ride" section is hilarious. I'm ashamed. Bad Jiminy! Bad!
Posted by: Jiminy at June 17, 2004 02:57 PMAnd one of my Beloveds, the lovely Tiffani, just left my 5000th comment.
Posted by: Helen at June 17, 2004 02:55 PMYour Beautiful....just beautiful.
Posted by: Tiffani at June 17, 2004 02:24 PMYou definitely looked the gorgeous posh British lady. Thank you for sharing your photos and very visual summary of your day - I'm incredibly jealous!
Posted by: Jenn at June 17, 2004 02:07 PMYou looked great! Wonderful that at the end of it all, you felt happy.
Posted by: Denny at June 17, 2004 01:59 PMWow u look fabulous, just amazing. Great pics n writeup...Wishing many more such occasions for u to enjoy and equally interesting reads for us :)
Posted by: Jhanvi at June 17, 2004 01:54 PMThe Dress. The Hat. Ascot. Oh MY! "OutGODDAMStanding!" Beautiful! And the pictures!! You look stunning, and not at all out of place in that rarefied environment. I'll agree with the commenter who said it's surreal; the men and women all in fancy dress, the surrounding countryside, the track in the background, you looking beautiful sipping champagne as a guest of a prosperous hamster vendor - wow. You must have felt deliciously overwhelmed (in a good way)! I can only imagine what it will be like to have that sort of memory to look back on - and to think it might not be the last time!
And the Prince definitely has a very nice ride. Thank you for including that picture. Certainly sums up the "mood" at Ascot for me. I usually try to be more succinct when I comment here but this morning I seem to have shorted myself on coffee and my succinctness is suffering.
Posted by: Lisa at June 17, 2004 01:39 PMYou look absolutely lovely!
Posted by: plumpernickel at June 17, 2004 12:02 PMHelen, you were stunning!! What a wonderful time you must have had.
Posted by: Heather at June 17, 2004 11:35 AMFor a Texan, you pull off the posh British Lassie look damn well bud.
Actually, I dig the top hat action, there's something very Jack The Ripper about it...
1ne must love the Whitechapel District.
Good 2CU had fun. Given your SO's NINterests, 1ne would think that would pay off on both sides.
Emotionally. Not monetarily.
Posted by: Curator at June 17, 2004 11:16 AMGreat experience... but the dress wasn´t really see thru, was it ;-)? You looked great. Miguel
Posted by: msd at June 17, 2004 11:14 AMJim-it just had to be said.
Outgoddamnstanding is the move yer bloomin' arse of the 21st century.
And boy did it elicit a laugh when I said it :)
Posted by: Helen at June 17, 2004 11:07 AMI'm glad I asked for pictures, you looked lovely. I was surprized to find myself thinking, though, that you had only been in England for a couple of months but you already had the peaches and cream complexion. I was very amused by your shout when your horse won --- like I said yesterday, you can take the girl out of Texas. . . Nice ride the Prince had, huh? I'm surprized he did not ask you back to the castle to see his etchings, considering how nice you looked.
Posted by: Random Penseur at June 17, 2004 11:04 AMThat picture of Charles with all the hatted folk is absolutely surreal. It's hard to believe that these things you see in old black and white movies still happen. Very cool.
This was a wonderful story, Helen. Sort of a My Fair Lady vibe, right down to the move yer bloomin arse style comment on the horse race. ;-)
Posted by: Jim at June 17, 2004 11:01 AMwell, yeah. sounds like a great day, but Helen, you look GORGEOUS!!
Posted by: melanie at June 17, 2004 10:42 AMSounds like you had a great time.
I love the hat...absolutely great :) And you were right about the dress...fits you like a hand in a glove :)
As for royalties...well, they have their own rules in all countries...usually old ones too that seems to be a bit weird. I guess that's why they are royalties ;)
sounds like you had a fun day. you look lovely in your fancy ascot get-up.
Posted by: jade at June 17, 2004 10:18 AMSounds and looks like it was a great day. The betting is a small price to pay for such a good experience.
And I bet Prince Charles's diary has an entry saying "Saw a hottie American chick at Ascot today. Wowser."
Posted by: Simon at June 17, 2004 10:14 AM