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August 03, 2004

I'll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours

This post is a bit lighter, since there weren't any ghosts in my hallway last night.

Mr. Y and I go to a gym regularly, which neither of us like but both of us feel the need to try to look good (you know-get a guy, so then you need to make sure your ass still looks good in a pair of boy shorts). It's a bit dull, but at least the gym has installed tvs on all of the elliptical machines and treadmills, so at least I can be constantly entertained by MTV Cribs or some other mindless nonsense while sweating my hopefully soon-to-be-skinny butt off. Then I go work on the free weights and generally hate my lot in life.

Interestingly enough, gym culture changes from country to country.

I used to go to a gym in Dallas, too, a yuppie urbanite wonder with mirrors all over the place and packed spinning classes at lunch. I went daily back then (read: didn't have a life) and got to know a lot about gyms. First off, in American gyms, even if you know the other person you don't talk to them unless you are out of the locker room. It's like the "don't look at my willy while I'm peeing" thing gone mad from the men's toilets. We go blind in there to everything but the tunnel vision in front of us. We all have wobbly bits, we simply pretend that other people don't exist until we leave the locker room, where, amazingly, once the steam lifts from our eyes it's like an unveiling of the senses.

"June!" you cry in recognition, to the woman who just swung her bare chesty bits by your elbow while you were slipping your bra on. "I didn't see you in there!" (nope, you only saw nipples the size of peanut M&Ms). "How ARE you?"

You know. Cause we all start sounding like June Cleaver when we get out of the gym. Or at least like Alexis Carrington.

And June is just as surprised to see you. "Cassandra!" she squeals in delight (am I getting to carried away with the Dynasty here? ) "My God, it's been ages!" (or at least since she just saw you applying deodorant in clockwise circles, lathering up a real white mess that is now trailing down the side of your black top).

Such is American gym life.

Now, in Sweden, I had the shock of a lifetime. Swedes are known perhaps for being sexually expressive and armed with morals as open as a whore's knickers. As a person who lived in Sweden for many years, I can tell you it's not true. While Swedish culture (in general) supports the ability to be extremely tolerant and understanding of sex and sex education, in general they are as repressed as the rest of us. And Swedish women are rated the second most jealous group of women in the world (just behind the Japanese women).

Speaks volumes, really.

So when I joined a gym in Sweden, upon walking into the locker room, I discovered it was absolutely unlike the American culture in gyms.

It was more like Porky's.

There wasn't a stitch of clothing in sight. Women, as unclothed as the day they were born (but decidedly more hairy ). Talking, laughing, chatting to their mates...all while naked! Totally naked! In fact, getting dressed seemed to be about the last on their checklist of things to do after working out.

Shower...check!
Put dirty clothes in bag...check!
Put on deodorant...check!
Talk to Ingrid about summer holidays...check!
Solve world hunger...check!
Clothes on....oh, all right.

I found it refreshing, I like knowing that women are comfortable with their bodies and imperfections (which I am not!). I like how they just seemed to know the limits and confines of their skin and enjoy how it felt. I enjoyed their openness, even if I never did actually engage in chat with others while swinging my boobies around the shower.

Now in England, I have found a serious reverse happening. Women are bizarrely modest here, so much so that most of them go into a changing room to change. Talk is totally ok, but only if you know the person and came into the room with them. Nudity is verbotten, the towel must be covering the unsightly bits at all times, even to the point where the women do the bra strap shimmy-you know, wrap the towel around their trunk and shake one way then another in order to get the bra off without a side view of cleavage.

It's too bad. I was kinda' getting used to the enjoy-your-nudity Swedish world. Even if I hadn't yet solved world hunger while towelling off.

So the gym is an interesting place.

On Sunday, Mr. Y and I went there to get our bodies into shape, and while in the locker room after the workout, two girls next to me (doing the towel shimmy) were talking.

"He was so good, although it was a little fast." Girl A said to Girl B.
"Just a few minutes, eh?" Girl B replied, understandingly.
"Yeah, but that's ok. We'd had a fantastic evening with the dancing and drinking."
"He was a nice guy."
"I know!" cooed Girl A. "And I can't wait to hear from him again!"
"When is he going to call you?"
"Well, he's just joined MI6 you know, so he told me he'd call me as soon as he was done with spy training. He said he has to go deep underground, so he can't call me for a long time. Isn't that thrilling! He's going to spy training in London, he said. I'm going to be dating a spy!"
"Corr, you're so lucky!" Girl B said, in a trance, as they flounced off to the gym.

Ri-iiiiight. A spy. You'd better hold your breath for him to call when he's out of "spy training".

Chicks. I swear we'll fall for anything.

-H.

PS-Happy birthday Jim!

PPS-for those who were wondering, Kim is here. And here. And here. But he's really here. And he died of leukemia, which is not the way I know he would've wanted to go.

Posted by Everydaystranger at August 3, 2004 09:28 AM .


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Comments

Hmmm, it's no wonder I've always wanted to go to Sweden...

Nevertheless, the gym thing is *not* my gig. I actually NINrolled at 1ne in college and spent my time at the bar drinking beer with friends.

That was a good NINvestment...

Posted by: Curator at August 4, 2004 06:41 AM

No wonder I get dirty looks at my gym. I talk to anybody I feel like talking to, I've made some good gym buddies that way and Lucy and I walk around nude the whole time. We even get in the (women's only) jacuzzi or the steam room nude. Although I do put a towel under me in the steam room.

I did the towel shimmy dance for awhile, but I got sick of it. Lucy rolled her eyes when I first got all brazen but I noticed she started following my lead rather quickly. HAH!

It's just easier that way. And screw anybody who can't handling seeing my tits or ass. They can just politely look in the other direction and make a face like they just bit into a lemon.

Which they often do.

Amber, making friends everywhere she goes...LOL! ;-)

Posted by: Amber at August 3, 2004 10:20 PM

MI6 agent hey..?

*takes notes*

One thing with English changing rooms, well the male ones anyway - it is always the really, really obese guys fresh out of the swimming pool, who walk around nekid.

*shudder*

Posted by: Tilesey at August 3, 2004 06:05 PM

Thank you for sharing how he passed. I like the story of the "perfect green dress". Beautiful!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Jessica at August 3, 2004 03:42 PM

Well, you can imagine the culture shocks I've had being born and raised in Sweden, bringing the nudity-in-the-locker-room-is-perfectly-ok-attitude into a lot of places around the planet that will choke if they see any pink parts on a stranger.

I dunno...it simply doesn't bother me.

Then again, the "open minded" nature about Swedes are nothing but a stereotype that was born around the 50's when Sweden made changes in the education system and brought in sexual education in schools.
Education doesn't make people more sexually open minded. That is still as individual as in any other place.

Posted by: croxie at August 3, 2004 03:16 PM

That spy story was perfect, just perfect, and fascinating in much the same way a car accident is. Are there really women as dumb as that? And why do I never seem to meet some of them?! ;-)

RP, I'm so glad that I have taken to setting the cup down and swallowing *before* reading anything here...

My experience with German locker rooms is rather limited and a decade old, but the general consensus was that everyone has dangly bits, nudity is part of what locker rooms are for, so don't sweat it. A rather sensible view, IMHO.

Posted by: Gudy at August 3, 2004 02:26 PM

I can only speak for my experience in men's locker rooms, but in my gym in the NYC area the guys are quite happy to talk to each other (and also on their cellphones - yuk).

Yes, we do have a misguided view of the Swedes. The truth is that openness and tolerance don't translate to promiscuity!!

I once went to Berlin with a large group from England. It was very amusing to see how non-plussed they were in the mixed gender hotel sauna :)

Posted by: Gareth at August 3, 2004 02:03 PM

i've found every gym locker room to have its own personality...with the fancier ones having more shy ladies and the cheaper ones (like the Y) having more bare-it-all-and-who-gives-a-fuck ladies. personally, i never like getting naked in groups...well at least not when i'm going to workout. ;-)

Posted by: kat at August 3, 2004 12:20 PM

At least the erstwhile spy did not have to kill her after he told her. That would have ruined the whole date.

Posted by: RP at August 3, 2004 11:15 AM

I love it, I have had the same thoughts as I used to work as a fitness/athletic trainer.

I may not like my body (thought its not bad) but Ill tell you one thing I am comfortable with leaving it out tehre.

As for my foreign gym experiences: in Norway it was quite similar to Sweden, including small children running around and one grabbing my ass. In France, they are not as liberal as I would have thought. But I refuse to do the bra shimmy. I have boobs, you have boobs, we all have boobs. Only unique thing about them is that they are mine. And anyone who wants to can see them at teh beach anyways. And in Italy well very few women seem to go to them- where I have lived, and I just got odd looks. Nothing new :)

But I have to say I LOVED the spy story, that one is PERFECT.

Posted by: stinkerbell at August 3, 2004 10:41 AM

It's important to remember that EVERY guy is James Bond inside. We're not really lying when we tell y'all that we're secret agents. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at August 3, 2004 10:37 AM

I'd tell you what Hong Kong gyms are like but I wouldn't know - I've never been in one. I'd like to tell you more but I have to complete my special secret training. I can't believe there are still women that fall for that.

It reminds me of the time Mrs M and I went to a party with plenty of people I didn't want to know. They were impressed when they met an astrophysicist working for the Aussie Government on a project I couldn't talk too much about.

Women have to remember one thing: men are always looking for no-strings attached sex and will spin any crap to get it.

Posted by: Simon at August 3, 2004 09:58 AM
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