September 25, 2003

OK, I am still shaking

OK, I am still shaking and an emotional toxic zone, and major love to you, my Chickens, for the support. Honestly, it did cheer me up. But I am going to try to keep this place back on track, otherwise Sue will be the only reader tuned in to my daily "Why I Should Kill Myself" report.

So here is something that I have had a very long ongoing debate with my male friends about: sticking it in.

That's right. Sticking it in. Putting it away. Placing the dog in the doghouse. As in: the need to put your dick somewhere. In someone. As opposed to freeing willy or wanking off (for a refresher course in the terminology, refer to this fab site.)

(*Ahem* sorry about the rough dialog, God knows this site never gets crude.)

It goes like this: I have had two seperate dialogs with the two very important creatures in my life known as Best Friend and Dear Mate. Both are men. Both are also English, but perhaps that doesn't have anything to do with their sexual appetites (or maybe it does, but let's dispose of the petty regionalism on this site, yes?) Anyway, we have been having ongoing discussions about spanking the bishop. Allow me to replay a dialog (not an approximation, but you get the gist) with Dear Mate, while we were having lunch recently.

DM: God, I have not had sex for over a bit. I very much feel the need for some.
Me: Well, go and spank the plank. I mean, it gives you the same effect.
DM: No, not quite. I mean I really feel the need to have SEX.
ME (not getting it, obviously): Wait, you feel the need to have sex, or to have an orgasm?
DM: Well, they're kind of one and the same.

That lucky, flippant bastard. Must be nice to be a guy and be assured of having a final result.

ME: OK, so why not go and toss off?
DM: It's not the same.
ME (tempted to reach over to his plate and spear an errant mushroom): Yeah, I get that. So what, you are feeling the need to have a home for your junior partner? To actually place him in a warm cavern?
DM: Yeah, basically. Don't you ever feel that way?
ME: That I need to have an orgasm? Sure. After all, look at my last weekend. But that's not the same thing as feeling the need to have sex, for me.
DM: No, what I am trying to say is, men feel the need to put it away. In something warm and wet and reciprocating. Maybe women don't, since sex and orgasms are not always inter-related. But for men they generally are, unless you are doing it wrong. But perhaps we feel the need to follow our evolutionary urge, and have straight-up intercourse.
ME: So a vacuum lined with wet sponges won't do?
DM (shovelling pasta to his mouth): No. I mean, intercourse as in with a woman.

And, as not to offend my gay readers, I am sure he also meant that gay men feel the need to stuff it up other various orifices. Nothing wrong with that.

ME (wondering when he is going to eat that mushroom): A blow-job won't do?
DM: No, we need to actually have sex. It actually needs to go inside a woman.
ME: Wait-you NEED, or you WANT?
DM: Need. Don't you ever feel that way? Don't you ever feel like you want to get stuffed by someone?

And I had to think about that. Did I actually NEED to feel a dick inside of me, or was I ok about just getting the orgasm? Let's just assume that if I did have penetrative sex, I would be guaranteed an orgasm (oh, perfect, perfect world). Is that actually necessary, or am I ok with just finding the magic zone via oral fun or my electric toybox? Did I REALLY have to have the feeling of having the gap filled?

These were new thoughts to me. I have gone through so many batteries that I didn't always feel the need to have something in there. I mean, often during playtime I chose the least invasive object. The-er-more interfering toys (oh, for Chrissake. I am trying to be so careful here and use delicate phrasing, but for Gods sake, I am talking about a blue, sparkly, rotating magical dildo with a fabulous vibrating clitoral stimulator that makes me scream and requires a lubing. All right! Are you happy now, I had to break down my delicate veneer!) only gets used occasionally, during confirmed sessions of privacy.

ME (eyeing mushroom hungrily): No, I don't think so, actually. I mean, what I need is the orgasm. If I was sure that penetrative sex would give me an orgasm, then I would likely choose that, and perhaps even grow to need it. Otherwise, I am just as happy to not be excavated.
DM: Ok. Well men need to put it away. Seriously, we just feel the urge to stick it in a warm wet minge (and he did use that word. He is cool like that.)
ME: Isn't that archaic? I mean, isn't that the line used in every campus dorm the world round?

OK, I didn't actually say that, I added that here to be PC.

ME (finally spearing his fucking mushroom): Well, I will have a think about it and see how it applies to me.

And I have asked a few people. No, I don't stop people on the street with a clipboard and poll them. I have made a few discreet inquiries amongst friends, and it turns out thus: I am so far the only person that does not feel the need to be fucked, I only feel the need to have orgasms (and I feel that need alot). I am debating if I need to change that attitude. But I have only asked my man friends, so I leave it here on this blog to think about:

Do men really feel the need to put it away?
And do women feel the need to be signed, sealed and shipped?


PS-one small editor's note-Dear Mate is basically my best friend, too. Partner Unit (aka the person I am supposed to be having sex with on a semi-regular basis) an entirely different beast indeed.

Posted by Everydaystranger at September 25, 2003 10:40 AM | TrackBack

Why do men have to have sex every day i know thats not a comment but its a question and i can find it so can you please tell me please cause my boyfriend thinks i dont love him because if one day i dont want to have sex he thinks that i dont love him no more so can you please awnser that question for me please.

Posted by: kendra at February 11, 2004 04:39 PM
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